Can you rate my song

[cisco]

I composed a song, here are the lyrics. Please give an honest opinion about it.

The sound/style is kinda like a vertical horizon/nine days track, the message is for the guys that are way to shy in asking a girl they've been overwhelmed on, and that they should not waste time...

Title: Flower wilts

[drums and piano]

Just… Don’t…

forget it…

Master of everything bashfull

Just… don’t…

forget it...

Doesn't it suck that she can't stand next to you?

…

[/drums and piano]

[guitar only]

D, G, A, D,

[/guitar only]

[whole band]

Those dying roses in the corner, for who is it reserved?

Are you scared of her?

While you are waiting

Time is wasting?/

Too much letters, say the words/

before some one takes what you deserve?/

[pause]

[Piano and drums]

...

...

She’ll… never… Know…/

She’ll never guess the idea if you don’t show/

How will you prove that you're the perfect match/

what's the use of filling your head with questions

why don't you answer them all and give it a rest/

..

..

[Guitar and drums only]

D G A D

...

...

[WHOLE BAND]

Those dying roses in the corner for who was it reserved?

are you scared of her/

Time is wasting/

from your hesitating/

No letter, No call?

Fine let those guys steal what you deserve?/

No write… No talk…

[slow drums only ]

You’re. not. the. Only. guy…

You're. loosing. her. to. those. guy's?

[/slow dums only]

[come back]

You just lost her...(3x)

[stop]

... and she liked you allot.

[Shawn]

While I'm not an expert on lyrics, I do know a lot of them. I'd like to hear it put to music but it sounds okay to me.

Those dying roses in the corner, for who is it reserved?

This is the only line I'd change. You have a plural noun 'roses' with a singular "is it". It should be either a single "rose" or use "are they".

[Malicious Intent]

It's the corner that is singular.

I lack the imagination to judge this song. I need to hear it :)

[DudeAsInCool]

I wonder if the title is misleading. Since you are attempting to encourage people to action, then the title should not necessarily be pessimistic... it could be a choice - it could be a warning... it could be positive - so I see the title in the vein of "Do or Die" as opposed to just Die

[cisco]

I wonder if the title is misleading. Since you are attempting to encourage people to action, then the title should not necessarily be pessimistic... it could be a choice - it could be a warning... it could be positive

It's more of a warning i guess... i can't give a sample of how it sounds due to the lack of equipment.

[Excrement_Cranium]

I would make the opposition singular... your losing her to that guy.

change line to too "many" letters.

in the singular... "before HE takes what you deserve"

corner/roses line "for whom are they reserved"

--- "why don't you answer them, or let it rest"

----- "no use filling your head with questions"

-- addition -- one line to the comeback maybe....

"you lost the perfect girl"

and possible after stop "to her, you could have been the world"

gah.... sorry... ex poet. Only problem is I got married and all that. Misery bred creativity more for me than happiness..... :P