I'm getting hitched!!

[cjules13]

So yeah... four more days. This Saturday I will marry for the first time up in Northern Wisconsin on the shores of Lake Michigan.

We've dated for 3.5 years, and lived together for 2.5 years so I feel like we know each other pretty well!

The guys at work have been giving me hell though

A new house I suppose....

[jipper]

shit, then what??

:horny:

and when you get to your mid life crisis stage

:taskmaster:

[DudeAsInCool]

WWWWWWWOOOOOOOHHHOOOOOOOOO!!! Congrats man and much happiness to the both of you!!! :good job: :Here's to you: :dancin: :frog: :frog: :frog: :frog: :frog: :dancin: :Here's to you: :good job: :jammintwo: :jammin: :scratchin: :strumma:

[cjules13]

:horny:

and when you get to your mid life crisis stage

:taskmaster:

yep, that's what I'm trying to proactively prevent. Better to start early...

How to keep the fires going long after the looks and youth wear off? How to avoid the mid-life crisis?

*high-fives Dude

Thanks man!

[Umma]

Congratulations!! I wish you both well... and no matter what anybody tells you about how bad marriage is.... it's what you make it. If you both work at it it'll work for you.

be happy :)

[DudeAsInCool]

  How to keep the fires going long after the looks and youth wear off?  How to avoid the mid-life crisis?

Think - feel - be - forever young. Always do things that interest you...and change with the times. :good job: High five, CJules back

[Warflower]

I wish you all the best!

I'm married 15 years...just don't sweat the small stuff...ok? O and ALWAYS be truthful...you can't go wrong. :D

[Cerebral_Assassin]

Congratulations, marriage is all YOU make it out to be, Noone can do it except you and her, not the in-laws from either side........they will always have all the solutions that never work. When problems arise sit down and talk. I have been married for 23 years, 24 this coming November, she is my best friend in the whole world. Complete trust with no doubts, it goes a long long way in a marriage. It's take and give on both parts, yours and hers. Marriage is not 50/50, it's a full 100% from both sides. I wish you both luck and hope you have a very long and fruitful marriage, I hope you grow old together and still find the same beauty in each other years from now that you both see in each other at this moment.

[Warflower]

Congratulations, marriage is all YOU make it out to be, Noone can do it except you and her, not the in-laws from either side........they will always have all the solutions that never work. When problems arise sit down and talk. I have been married for 23 years, 24 this coming November, she is my best friend in the whole world. Complete trust with no doubts, it goes a long long way in a marriage. It's take and give on both parts, yours and hers. Marriage is not 50/50, it's a full 100% from both sides. I wish you both luck and hope you have a very long and fruitful marriage, I hope you grow old together and still find the same beauty in each other years from now that you both see in each other at this moment.

What he said. ;)

[cjules13]

Wow CA and Warflower, thanks for the encouraging words. Your years combined are longer than about 10 marriages I know combined...

I'm at the age when a lot of my friends are getting married, and I've already seen a couple divorce! Usually less than a year! Ouch!

Edited June 29, 2004 by cjules13

[DudeAsInCool]

Lots of people seem to divorce over finances - or when they get their first house, arguing over petty stuff... Letting the little petty stuff go will go a long way..

[Cerebral_Assassin]

Another thing I've always lived by during our marriage is........

"What's mine is hers, what's hers is hers and no matter the outcome of the argument she is always right."

A little humor.

[Warflower]

You have to believe that it will all work out in the end and give your partner "time" when they need it...and they don't always want to talk about it so let it go...

Here's me and my better half.

[Crazy Diamond]

This Saturday I will marry for the first time

You mean first and only time.

Don't worry about the people nagging you about now you're life is over. Marriage isnt for everyone, but it sounds like you two can really make it work so best of luck

Congrats.

[Shawn]

You mean first and only time.

He did sort of leave that open.

I married the perfect woman almost 6 years ago now. She's more than a wife, she's my partner and friend.

I hope you guys are even better for each other, and I hope you learn not to spring shite on us at the last minute.

Congrats to the both of you. I like to think we're not losing you....................you know the rest of the cliche. ;)

[method77]

congratulations man. I wish I could give you some advise but I can't. I'm single

[rainbowdemon]

congratulations man. I wish I could give you some advise but I can't. I'm single

I'm in the proccess of divorcing, so you probably don't want my advice.

:angry:

[joeyz]

Congrats Buddy! Good Luck to you both! Are all your single freinds already in mourning?

[Redneck4sure]

Congrats!! Life as you know it is not totally over. The sex is though. You know what food makes a woman uninterested in sex? Wedding cake. Good Luck!

[CTC Command]

Hey congrats CJ! That's awesome!

I am glad other people here have a positive experience to share. I do not, but that doesn't dampen my enthusiasm for you, and I wish you better luck with yours than I had with mine.

The most important things I learned from my brief hitch was that it takes a certain level of maturity and commitment to working together as a team for a marriage to work. One advantage you have is you guys have been living together already for a while...we didn't until we got married. I doubt now that if we had that we would have gone through with it.

Just some introspection here--I think my wife wanted to want to be married, but when it came right down to it she was simply too independent and felt too confined by the IDEA of marriage, in a way that she didn't envision beforehand. And it wasn't me being too confining--I let her do what ever she wanted...but she initiated this bizarre conversation with me one night about how she simply didn't buy into the whole idea of marriage anymore, that the whgole legal aspect of it was freaking her out. She also decided she didn't want to have any more kids. We had talked at great length about having more before we got hitched (we each have one fropm previous relationships), but didn't realize the extent that the dynamics change with more than one kid. The whole "brady bunch" thing is also a lot harder than it looks on TV, and it was tougher actually living it than either of us had envisioned. But after countless conversations before we got married about having 2, 3, maybe 4 more kids, one night she just said out of the blue "I don't want to have any more kids. I suppose if I told you this before we got married, you wouldn't have wanted to, huh?"

Yup, it would have been a sure deal breaker on my end. I really want more kids--I simply haven't the right plumbing to get the job done without her, or someone like her.

There were other issues as well, but thay all lead back to the same thing--I didn't feel like I was playing on a team. Counseling pretty much confirmed my suspicions as to how serious she was about our relationship, or not as it turned out--she either showed up late or had to leave early (or both) to every single session. One morning we met for breakfast, and I asked her straight out to come back and work on this seriously or to consider our marriage over--she chose option # 2.

But its alright now--I was really bummed out when she simply left over what was essentially a minor disagreement over the kids, right after last Christmas, but what it comes down to is I have no control over other people's actions. Counseling put alot things into perspective--there is never any point in beating a dead horse.

We are still on good speaking terms, when we bother to call each other up. 99% of her crap is out of here and back at her old place, and we are about to walk into divorce court without (too much) rancor or bitterness. In fact, if we had gotten married in Nevada, we would qualify for an annullment over the internet no less! But here in RI the fact that we did have sex several times means an annullment is out, so we are going for a no fault divorce based on "irreconciliable differences." There is no property to divide, no kids for custody, no alimony, and my lawyer buddy is going to go in and do the "nominal" hearing for us. 3 months later, it will be final.

But you know, I really thought I knew my wife's heeart and mind before we got married--we met each other 6 years ago, were excellent friends for 3 years, dated for a year, were engaged for a year and a half, the minister met with us a number of times and questioned us intensively, then we got married for...(almost) 6 months.

Despite all this, I still say to you, go for it!! No one has a crystal ball, every human action must be accompanied by faith. Without it we wouldn't leave the house in the morning, let alone try anything with any real risk. Have faith that the both of you are committed to each other, focus on being a team , and go forth and multiply!

[DudeAsInCool]

But here in RI the fact that we did have sex several times

See, CJules, Redneck was right - once the wedding cake is cut, the sex dwindles

[slum_goddess]

congratulations, man. what CA and WF said above are excellent advice. i've never been married (the legal aspect flips me out) but i'm lucky enough to be in a wonderful rel'p for over 4 years now and i think total honesty and sharing everything are what make it work so well.

i'm very happy for you. (please post photos of your honeymoon and wedding and stuff.) :)

[rainbowdemon]

ee, CJules, Redneck was right - once the wedding cake is cut, the sex dwindles

But it's kind of a delayed reactoin. For the first year or so, I thought that woman was going to kill me. After that though it did slow up some.

[cjules13]

You mean first and only time.

Don't worry about the people nagging you about now you're life is over. Marriage isnt for everyone, but it sounds like you two can really make it work so best of luck

Congrats.

:bigsmile: ok, sounds bad... just wanted to make clear that it was my first time, and not my second....

Wanted to give the impression of a newbie to marriage, which I am.

Yep, the only, for ever and ever, and ever, and ever...

[cjules13]

Hey congrats CJ! That's awesome!

I am glad other people here have a positive experience to share. I do not, but that doesn't dampen my enthusiasm for you, and I wish you better luck with yours than I had with mine.

Thanks for the advice CTC... make sense and you're right, I feel like I'm a little ahead already by having 2+ years under one roof with her already...

Must be a shock to a lot of people to move in raw from their respective bachelor/ette pads to having to share everything with someone you are supposed to be very respectful of... Shit we've already had some close ones, but level-heads have prevailed and it just makes me more confident... Also had talks on the children expectation and desire to make and keep a family... looks like all systems go! We even did couples therapy for awhile - and even as I was less enthused, I did show up on time for every meeting :)

Thanks for the words again and best of luck to you and RD!