For Redneck

[Warflower]

A woman sitting in a restaurant in Alabama, suddenly began to cough

while eating a giant Lobster.

After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress.

Two men, Bob and Bill, sitting at the next table turned to look at her.

"Kin ya swaller? Asked Bob.

The woman signalled 'No', desperately shaking her head.

"Kin ya breathe?" asked Bill.

The woman, beginning to turn a bit blue, shook her head 'No.'

With that, Bob walked over to her, lifted up the back of her skirt,

yanked down her panties, and slowly ran his tongue up and down the

woman's butt.

This shocked the woman and she went into such a violent spasm that the

obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breath again.

Bob swaggered back over to his table and proudly took another drink of

his beer.

Bill said in admiration, toasting Bob,

"Ya know boy, I'd heard of dat dere Hind Lick Maneuver, but I ain't

never seen nobody do it."

[DudeAsInCool]

If he aint Red now, this should do it

[KiwiCoromandel]

[moodyblue]

:gigglin: :gigglin: :gigglin: (I think I have read that somewhere before)

[slum_goddess]

"Ya know boy, I'd heard of dat dere Hind Lick Maneuver, but I ain't

never seen nobody do it."

[Redneck4sure]

It's the results that count.

[slum_goddess]

here, redneck: it's turleen your trailer trash doll.

[DudeAsInCool]

here, redneck: it's turleen your trailer trash doll.

She sure is purty--and she sho knows how to plzzz a girly-man like Red :rotfl:

[Redneck4sure]

That's a yankee doing the voice imitation. They should have asked my wife to do the voice. She's a natural!!

[slum_goddess]

yeee-haaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

[Redneck4sure]

That's my mom!!!

Here's brother's drivers license.

[DudeAsInCool]

Redneck Park

http://www.rexcc.com/thingstodo/parkstrail...erdickpark.html

[Redneck4sure]

Redneck Park

http://www.rexcc.com/thingstodo/parkstrail...erdickpark.html

Looks ok but it ain't in Dixie so I'd be suspicious.

[slum_goddess]

here's some earrings that might look familiar

[DudeAsInCool]

here's some earrings that might look familiar

a purrfect valentines gift for the wifey

[Redneck4sure]

You are correct SG.....they do look familiar. I hope you are correct also Dude, cause I got her a pair last year for Valentines day.

[KiwiCoromandel]

one for you red.....

The Difference Between Liberals, Conservatives and Texans

Question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun and what kind of message does this send to society and my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.

Conservative Answer:

BANG!

Texan's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click... (sounds of reloading).

Wife: "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving, what do you kids think?"

Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it too..." BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"

[Redneck4sure]

Kiwi, you've been here before?

[KiwiCoromandel]

Kiwi, you've been here before?

no i haven`t, red me old mate..but i feel as if i have and i`m quickly getting the hang of the local customs.....

Edited February 15, 2005 by kiwibank

[Redneck4sure]

It is really a simple thing to understand.

When in doubt, empty the magazine. :)

[GabrielYoungFan]

Yeehaw :P

[Redneck4sure]

Yeehaw :P

I love to hear a down south, corn fed gal yell that.

[slum_goddess]

does this belong to anyone here? (i found it on this page).

[KiwiCoromandel]

does this belong to anyone here? (i found it on this page).

i refuse to answer on the grounds that 50 million sheep and four million humans in new zealand may incriminate themselves....... :bigsmile:

Edited March 3, 2005 by kiwibank

[Malicious Intent]

does this belong to anyone here? (i found it on this page).

We had one of those where I used to work. I daren't ask where it came from. It used to sit in the staffroom. That in itself was stupid. The staffroom was off the main corridor to the sportshall. It was not much of a staffroom, so we also rarely shut it when no one was in there.

Anyway, as most of you know, I used to work on a children's day camp/playsheme type thing at the sports centre. I was sitting after lunch, watching them all during their freetime. I noticed a group of boys fighting over something. Fighting but laughing. Since it didn't look like it was turning into a fist fight anytime soon, I ignored it. Put it down "they are learning social skills".

Whatever it was they were fighting over, one of them had made a breakthrough and was on the run. He was running in my direction (although not towards me) with this blowup sheep.

Turns out that one of the boys had spotted one of the little kids playing with it. Realising what it was (unlike the little kid who thought they were playing with a toy farm yard animal) decided to take it away. He claimed that he was going to give it to one of the staff. Instead his instinct to cause trouble kicked in, so he explained what it was to his friends, who where then fighting over how to maximise damage with it.

The little kid had nabbed it from the staffroom on his way past.