For Redneck

[Redneck4sure]

does this belong to anyone here?

SG, where did you find Suzie!!??? I thought Kiwi stole it from me!!!

[rainbowdemon]

I love to hear a down south, corn fed gal yell that.

Oddly enough, so do I.

:horny:

[KiwiCoromandel]

SG, where did you find Suzie!!??? I thought Kiwi stole it from me!!!

i ain`t no sheep rustler.......i keep telling people.....me and my cat ripper have an agreement

[Redneck4sure]

I didn't accuse you because I didn't have proof but I had my suspicions you had Suzie. I'm trying to find out how SG wound up with her.....and what she has been doing to her.

[KiwiCoromandel]

I didn't accuse you because I didn't have proof but I had my suspicions you had Suzie. I'm trying to find out how SG wound up with her.....and what she has been doing to her.

omigawd..i`ve just realised!!!!.... SG AND THE.....gasp..i can hardly say it...PETMAN!!!!!

[Redneck4sure]

You're saying Suzie is petman?? I never thought of that!!

She needs more inflatable help. She ordered the wrong one.

[Redneck4sure]

Oh!!! you're saying petman has been pokin' my Suzie. wow! I was really worried for a minute.

[KiwiCoromandel]

no red..you are saying that..i am simply denying that i have been conducting an emotional and physical relatonship with your suzie.......

Q What is the advantage of having a sheep for a girlfriend?

A She does not mind if you screw her sister

Q How do you get virgin wool?

A From ugly sheep

Q How did the farmer find his sheep in the long grass?

A Very satisfying

Q What do you call 4 sheep tied to a lamp post?

A A leisure centre

A Kiwi and an Aussie are riding through the sheep country when they discover a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The Kiwi gets off his horse, strides over to the sheep, shags it, and them gets back on his horse. He looks at the Aussie who is staring at him and says "Sorry mate, do ya wanna go too?" "Alright," says the Aussie and gets off his horse, walks over to the fence, looks back at the Kiwi and asks "Do I have to put my head in the fence?"

A white missionary was spreading the gospel to the dark natives deep in the jungle. He taught them to read and write, and he taught them good Christian ways. He particularly stressed the evils of sexual sin.

One day the chief's wife gave birth, and the tribesmen broke into the missionary's hut, seized him, and brought him to the chief, where they threw him face down in the dirt.

The missionary was very frightened, and feared for his life. Not raising his head from the floor, he asked, "Oh mighty chief, what have I, a poor white missionary, done to deserve your displeasure?"

"You hypocrite!" shouted the chief. "How dare you presume to teach us about sexual sin! Raise your head and look at this!" The chief held up his newborn child who was white! The missionary knew about albinos, but had no idea how to explain this to the chief. "I can explain how these things happen; please, let me stand." The chief allowed this, and the missionary explained, "What you have here is a natural occurrence - an albino. Look at your flock of sheep. All of them are white, yet among them is one black one. Nature occasionally allows things like this to happen."

The chief thought for a moment, and replied, "Tell you what. I won't blame you for the colour of my child, as long as you keep quiet about the sheep."

A HELLUVA LOTTA REASONS WHY SHEEP ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

1.

You can get a better grip on a sheep's ear

2.

Sheep never ask about your former lovers and then get pissed off when you tell them

3.

No matter how old or ugly you are, you can always find a willing ewe

4.

Sheep are never concerned about their reputation

5.

Sheep don't smell like tuna fish

6.

You can feed a sheep to a crocodile when you're done and you won't get thrown in prison for it

7.

A sheep is warm on both sides

8.

Sheep don't ask "What have you done for me lately?"

9.

You can be a sheep farmer (aka polygamy)

10.

You can sell a sheep when you're tired of it

11.

You don't have to buy dinner for a sheep first. It can be your dinner afterward

12.

Sheep make the same noise all the time

13.

You don't have to hide your credit cards around sheep

14.

Sheep don't complain if you have other sheep

15.

Sheep are always on all fours

16.

No one has ever heard a sheep say, "Men are scum."

17.

Sheep don't expect orgasm

18.

A sheep doesn't mind if you're done in two minutes

19.

A sheep doesn't mind if you go to sleep afterward

20.

Sheep don't have fathers with shotguns

21.

You can kick a sheep in the head and it won't mind you still calling it "Baby"

22.

Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teeth

23.

Sheep don't shy away from boots and leather

24.

Nuttin' beats mutton

25.

Sheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towel

26.

Sheep won't drink your liquor, smoke your weed, snort your coke, and then tell you they have to be home early

27.

Sheep never ask if you're ready to settle down

28.

Sheep won't tell all their friends about the time you couldn't get it up

29.

Sheep won't ask if you're gay the first time you can't get it up for the second time

30.

A sheep won't get drunk and throw up in your car

31.

A sheep won't use your razor to shave its legs, or your pocketknife to open a paint can

32.

Sheep never have a headache

33.

A sheep won't give your favourite hunting shirt to Goodwill

34.

Sheep grow their own fur coats

35.

Sheep aren't into talking before or after sex

36.

Sheep are "ram tough"

37.

A sheep won't ask for a long lasting relationships, and a sheep won't cry when you tell her it's over

38.

A Sheep won't nag you, and a sheep won't tell you you're doing it all wrong.

39.

A sheep won't tell you to take out the garbage when your favourite show comes on T.V., and a sheep won't ask you to cut the grass in the middle of the ball game.

40.

A sheep won't expect flowers or candy on it's birthday, and a sheep won't mind if you forget an anniversary.

41.

A sheep won't kiss and tell, and a sheep won't about the other guys she's been with.

42.

A sheep won't object to doing it doggie style, and a sheep won't smoke afterwards.

43.

A sheep won't wear a mud pack to bed, And a sheep won't leave hair curlers all over the bedroom floor.

44.

A sheep won't expect you to wine and dine her first, and a sheep won't have her mother moving in with the two of you.

45.

A sheep won't drink your last beer, and a sheep won't ask to borrow your toothbrush.

46.

A sheep won't make you say, "I love you," if you don't really mean it, and a sheep won't write you a Dear John letter.

47.

A sheep won't try to hog all the covers, and a sheep won't insist you wear pyjamas to bed.

48.

A sheep won't spend an eternity in the bathroom putting in her diaphragm, and a sheep won't leave make-up all over the bathroom towels in the morning.

49.

A sheep won't insist you do it with the lights out, and a sheep won't ask you to put a rubber on.

50.

A sheep won't ask you where the blonde hair on your jacket came from, and a sheep won't ask about the lipstick marks on your schlong.

51.

A sheep won't care if you don't shower for a few days, and a sheep won't object to an adult movie to get you in the mood.

52.

A sheep won't tell you she doesn't swallow, and a sheep won't tell you she's expecting.

53.

A sheep won't ask how many other girls you've been with, and a sheep won't ask if she's the prettiest one.

54.

A sheep won't ask to move in with you, and a sheep won't make a scene if you find someone else.

55.

A sheep won't tell you she's got a headache, and a sheep won't get suspicious if you tell her you're working late at the office again.

56.

A sheep won't ask if that's all the bigger it gets, and a sheep won't ask for multiple orgasms.

57.

A sheep won't send you out for pizza at 1:00 a.m., and a sheep won't insist you call her a cab at 2:00 a.m.

58.

A sheep won't worry what the neighbours think, and a sheep won't tell you to keep quiet because the kids might hear.

59.

A sheep won't ask for money for the hairdresser, and a sheep won't tell you it's that time of the month.

60.

A sheep won't borrow your car and put a scratch in it. and a sheep won't borrow your razor.

61.

A sheep won't object to a threesome, and a sheep won't accuse you of giving her VD.

62.

A sheep won't be insecure about her figure, and a sheep won't insist on getting on top.

63.

A sheep won't ask where you were if you stay out all night, and a sheep won't object if you bring another chick home.

64.

And finally, a sheep won't ask you to marry her.

[Redneck4sure]

I have found from personal experience that all those things are true.

[Wolfie]

LMAO@sheep jokes.

[slum_goddess]

omigawd..i`ve just realised!!!!.... SG AND THE.....gasp..i can hardly say it...PETMAN!!!!!

[slum_goddess]

'pour me a double, i'm drinkin' fer two.'

[slum_goddess]

[DudeAsInCool]

:good job:

[Redneck4sure]

I didn't pose for that photo. I know 4sure cause I never wear a hat. :)

[KiwiCoromandel]

nice one sg..i`ve emailed it to a couple of mates who deserve it..

[slum_goddess]

dunno if this has been posted before

[moodyblue]

Durn it!! That were funny!!

[Redneck4sure]

This is a classic thread 4sure.

[slum_goddess]

you're a classic 4Sure

[Shawn]

You didn't get into modeling did you Red?

[slum_goddess]

OMG dunno if i'm stunned by the shite outfit or the fact he allowed his photo taken in it.

[slum_goddess]

in his KITCHEN! very sexy...

[Redneck4sure]

I can't remember that pic. I wonder if I was going fishing or trick-or-treating.

Note to self: you gotta stop smokin' that shit.......

[slum_goddess]

no, don't--we need more like you, to kinda balance US out