My American Bretheren

[Shawn]

There is a movement underway to help you all!*

Marry an American

* assuming you have liberal leanings

[Malicious Intent]

apolitical with limited world-domination tendencies.

:lmao:

[slum_goddess]

what a great gesture. (if i were back there, i'd definitely sign up, joke or not, just for shits and grins and to meet more people).

*suppressed raving about how much I LOVE THE INTERNET*

[Redneck4sure]

Liberals......don't leave the country without some.

.......and don't come back with one.

[slum_goddess]

well, i would be very worried about my rights if i were in the states now. actually i'm pretty worried being here, dunno what the admin will do in the name of their (false trumped-up) security and now, nobody will stand in their way (they passed the Patriot Act w/o anyone really reading it...idiots).

what am i saying? duh...forgetting who i am so fuck it--Redneck as a Mod, i'm about to delete your ass (can't fight it...the power is intoxicating and just begging to be abused!)

[Redneck4sure]

as a Mod, i'm about to delete your ass

I have a pretty small ass as it is. I'm sure gonna look funny with no ass.

[Wolfie]

Not touching that one. :nope:

[DudeAsInCool]

Me neither :sick:

[Redneck4sure]

thank you

[slum_goddess]

i have no memory of posting that yesterday.

[Shawn]

:rotfl: :good job:

[DudeAsInCool]

>Letter To America

>

>In the light of your failure to elect a human as President of the USA and

>thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your

>independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

>will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other

>territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime

>minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who

>have

>until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will

>appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections.

>Congress

>and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next

>year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a

>British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with

>immediate effect:

>

>1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

>Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed

>at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be

>reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the

>letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will

>learn

>to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your

>love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix

>"ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix

>'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell

>Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

>Generally,

>you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up

>"vocabulary".

>Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such

>as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of

>communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in

>the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language

>then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your

>vocabulary

>then you won't have to use bad language as often.

>

>2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on

>your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take

>account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

>

>3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.

>It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney,

>upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to

>learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as

>"Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking

>about

>regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in

>England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it

>Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire,

>Floridashire, Louisianashire.

>

>4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the

>good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play

>English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red

>Dwarf"

>will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience

>who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

>

>5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The

>Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to

>get

>confused and give up half way through.

>

>6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind

>of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good

>game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your

>borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You

>will no

>longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

>Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a

>difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play

>rugby

>(which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping

>for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like

>nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side

>by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an

>event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside

>of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond

>your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will

>be

>allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball

>without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

>

>7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no

>longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a

>vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to

>handle

>potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to

>carry a vegetable peeler in public.

>

>8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2th will be a new

>national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive

>Day".

>

>9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your

>own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

>All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start

>driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go

>metric

>with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.

>Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of

>humour.

>

>10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French

>fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though

>97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are

>not

>aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling

>potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and

>fried

>in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should

>be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive

>with customers.

>

>11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to

>all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be

>doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

>

>12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually

>beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will

>be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted

>provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as

>"American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Donkey

>Piss",

>with

>the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose

>product

>will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Donkey Piss". This will allow

>true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech

>Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

>

>13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you

>will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with

>the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA

>and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US

>gallon - get used to it).

>

>14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns or

>lawyers. The fact that you need so many lawyers shows that you're not adult

>enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're

>not

>adult enough to sort things out without suing someone then you're not grown

>up

>enough to handle a gun.

>

>15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

>

>Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to

>ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank

>you for your co-operation.

>

>--------------------------

>John Godfrey

>Meedja Limited

>020 8747 2056

>www.meedja.co.uk

>--------------------------

>

>

[Umma]

you know you'd be so much better off than you are now...

and I particularly agree with the Budweiser comment.... the Czech original is better by far!!

[Redneck4sure]

i have no memory of posting that yesterday.

I love a woman with a short memory.

Unfortunately my wife NEVER forgets anything.

[DudeAsInCool]

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no

longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

You listening, Redneck?

[Tiremonkey2000]

:rotfl:

[Redneck4sure]

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no

longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a  vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to  handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

You listening, Redneck?

Typical liberal rhetoric. That's Kerry's position on guns and another reason he lost. :bigsmile:

[slum_goddess]

In the light of your failure to elect a human as President of the USA and

>thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of you.. independence, effective today.

whooo-hoooooo! i ALWAYS knew it! i'm brit! :lol: this made the rounds right after the 2K selection and i entirely forgot about it. thank you, Dude!

Unfortunately my wife NEVER forgets anything.

y'know, between me and you (and EVERYONE who's reading ) methinks your wife is the made-up kind, she's too perfect for all your wife-dissing. on the other hand, if she's real, i pity her ass, not yours. ps, i've been collecting ALL your dissing posts, y'know, for blackmail purposes.

[Shawn]

y'know, between me and you (and EVERYONE who's reading ) methinks your wife is the made-up kind, she's too perfect for all your wife-dissing.

Well, she's not perfect but she's close. Redneck sent me a pic of her out with the youngest 1/3 of the kids.

[method77]

i have no memory of posting that yesterday.

happens to me all the time. True