hate your job?

[rainbowdemon]

Think your job sucks? Check out some of these.

[Malicious Intent]

At least they have jobs :(

[cjules13]

3. BARNYARD MASTURBATOR

[DudeAsInCool]

The other two methods—the artificial vagina, or AV, and the good old hand—require that animals be trained to the procedure. The AV—a large latex tube coated with warm lubricant —is used primarily to get sperm from dairy bulls (considered the most ornery and dangerous of bovines). The bull gets randy with a steer; when he mounts the steer with his forelegs, a brave technician, AV in hand, insinuates himself between the two aroused beasts and deftly redirects the bull penis into the mock genitalia, which he must then hold tight while the bull orgasms.

[cjules13]

I don't think there's any other way to redirect a penis other than to do it "deftly" :bigsmile:

[DudeAsInCool]

I don't think there's any other way to redirect a penis other than to do it "deftly" :bigsmile:

Sounds like youve had practice at this thing

[cjules13]

Haven't we all at one point?

Girls too prolly....

[DudeAsInCool]

WALMART APPLICATION

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior submitted

to Walmart in Arkansas...they hired him because he was so honest and

funny.

NAME: George Martin

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person (or one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, what ever is available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 Lbs.? Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may

already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the

Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Sagittarius

[Wolfie]

Hey, how did you get MY application???

[DudeAsInCool]

Slum Goddess referred you

[DJSuntoucher]

Lol, i filled out a form for a bar and two of the questions were:

Whats your favorite dinosaur and why?

On a scale of 1 to 10 how do you rate jam? (Or jelly as some americans might like to call it)

<_>

[Wolfie]

Whats your favorite dinosaur and why?

:P

[moonglow]

thumbsdown those jobs sucked, but........after my boss(he is a "good ole Texas boy") told me I couldn't wear my DMB tour shirt (after his "favorite girl" wore her Kenny Chesney tour shirt to work the day before).........I told him he could go F*** himself!!!!!!!!!

and now I don't have a fulltime job

Oh well..........didn't like that job anyway

[DudeAsInCool]

Haven't we all at one point?

Girls too prolly....

Perhaps...but not as deftly