Potted Meat

[Cerebral_Assassin]

I found this and got a little chuckle from reading it. I for one like Potted Meat, I also like S.P.A.M, Treet and other meat by-products. What can I say, i'm a hillbilly. I drink beer, smoke cigarettes and thank God for any food provided me. Anyways, read this and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. (This guy don't know good food)

Potted Meat Food Product

There aren't too many products that feel the need to reassure you that they are, in fact, "food." Already not a good sign.

The list of ingredients is long and horrifying, coming right out of the gate with "MECHANICALLY SEPARATED CHICKEN." Oddly enough, I'm about to be separated from my lunch, and I haven't even opened the can yet.

Other ingredients include BEEF TRIPE, BEEF HEARTS, AND "PARTIALLY DE-FATTED COOKED PORK FATTY TISSUE" How does one de-fat fat? Bizarre. God knows what else is in here.

Okay, I'm going to go try it now. If i'm not back in ten minutes, call Poison Control...

I'm back. Oofah.

Okay, here we go-- Pulling back the lid (not recommended) lets loose an odor that punches you in the nose like a stinky fist. If you've ever smelled a can of dog food, it's just like that. Only imagine you are opening the can while your head is wedged in a horse's ass.

Inside is a smooth, oddly pink meat paste. So smooth, in fact, I dare call it "creamy." (I actually got a little gaggy just typing that.) Surprisingly, it was a little spicier than I expected. Although, that sensation may have been a by-product of my tastebuds dying.

The can shows a serving suggestion of the Potted Meat being served on squares of toast. I would also suggest squares of toilet paper. Or maybe a nice diaper.

All I can tell you is, I survived the first installment of "Steve, Don't Eat It." And I have to admit it may have even been a little educational. I know I learned at least one thing from "Ralph's Potted Meat"-- Ralph is a fucking dick.

Not surprisingly, I've come up with a little slogan the peeps who handle Potted Meat Marketing can use (no charge, as always): POTTED MEAT FOOD PRODUCT: Made By, For, And With Assholes.

[method77]

That looks disgusting! ;spammer: :banana8:

[Redneck4sure]

I wonder where I can buy that around here.

[Cerebral_Assassin]

I love a good potted meat, pickles and mayo sandwich.

[rainbowdemon]

I like it to. On toast with a little hot sauce. I don't know about that brand. Some are better that others.

[Cerebral_Assassin]

I like it to. On toast with a little hot sauce. I don't know about that brand. Some are better that others.

Armour is the best.

[KiwiCoromandel]

tinned cornbeef is one of my favourites....

Sweet Kumara and Corned Beef Hash Patties

Makes 6-8

These are a great alternative to hamburger patties – kumera and corned beef, you couldn’t get more kiwi than that.....a kumara is a new zealand native sweet potato. any sweet potato type will do..

Ingredients

750 g kumara (or other type of sweet potato), peeled and chopped

1 small onion, peeled and finely sliced

1 tbsp oil

1 cup sliced cabbage

1 tsp curry powder

227g can crushed pineapple in juice, very well drained

1 egg

3-4 tbsps Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce

340g can Hellaby's Reduced Fat Corned Beef

Method

1. Cook the kumara in boiling salted water until tender, drain and mash.

2. Cook the onion in the oil in a frying pan until soft but not coloured. Add the cabbage and curry powder and cook only until the cabbage is wilted.

3. Add the onions to the kumara with the pineapple, egg and Lea and Perrins Worcestershire Sauce. Mix well.

4. Flake in the Hellaby’s Reduced Fat Corned Beef and mix gently.

5. Shape into 6-8 even sized patties and pan fry in a little oil until hot and golden on both sides.

Serve topped with sliced tomato and a few lettuce greens and a drizzling of your favourite vinaigrette.

Edited December 15, 2004 by kiwibank

[rainbowdemon]

Armour is the best.

It is indeed!!

How does everyone feel about these?

[method77]

I like those

[Redneck4sure]

They're good but here is real redneck food.

Texas Road-Kill Chili

Ingredients:

4 lbs. fresh road-kill 1 tsp. black pepper

2 beers or 750ml zinfindel 1-3 tsps. oregano

2 Jalapeno peppers (chopped) 1 tbsp. cumin powder

2-4 tbsps. chili powder 1 tbsp. salt

4 cloves crushed garlic 1 16 oz. can Cantadina tomato sauce

1 tbsp. finely chopped green onions 2 tbsps. chopped bell pepper

[Umma]

How does everyone feel about these?

same as the other stuff

yeuk ! :sick:

[Cerebral_Assassin]

Armour is the best.

It is indeed!!

How does everyone feel about these?

Those are the nails in my coffin.............I absolutely love 'em.

[CTC Command]

I have only one word for all this.

Pork Rinds

[Malicious Intent]

Looks like chocolate moose.

[Redneck4sure]

It looks like 2 day old baby shit.

[DudeAsInCool]

They say you are what you eat - this makes the Spam(mer) Deluxe recoil

[Potato]

We sell some crap like that at my work. A guy I work with was trying to get me to eat it, because it was like 69 cents or something ridiculously cheap. He read the ingredients off to me and I thought I was going to puke. Partially de-fatted beef fatty tissue, or something like what was mentioned in the first post... yuck. Gross. Yuck.

[slum_goddess]

at redneck and duuuuuuuuude.

[Cerebral_Assassin]

I have only one word for all this.

Pork Rinds

Pickled Pork Rinds

While perusing the "Good Lord, NOOOO!" aisle of the supermarket, I came across the atrocity known as Dolores Brand Pickled Pork Rinds. These are not the crunchy pork rinds you'll often see over by the chips. These are their grosser, soggier, potentially botulism-ier cousins.

The label says "Ready to Eat." They left off "By Dumb-Asses."

There is also a red starburst proudly proclaiming "Nuevo Envase de Vidrio Reusable". Not knowing much Spanish, I could only assume that meant "Oh Crap -- A Jar of Skin!"

I was wrong. It means: "New Reusable Glass Container" which I think is their subtle way of saying you can also use the jar to puke in.

Okay. I'm going to go consume. If I don't make it back to finish this review, tell my wife I love her. And not to eat the pork rinds.

I knew I was in trouble as soon as I opened the jar, and heard no reassuring vacuum seal. I must admit that made me nervous, but what are the odds of a dusty jar of warm pig skin going bad, right?

Lifting the lid revealed a weird sour smell, something akin to mild vinegar and stale meat. I almost want to say it was like a freshly douched pork chop. But I won't. Why? Because I'm a fucking gentleman.

As I attempted to fish out a "good one," I couldn't help notice the alarming skin texture. For all those times I wondered what it would be like to gnaw on my grandmother's thigh, I was about to find out.

Taking a bite, I quickly realized the swatch of fat wasn't chewy at all. In fact, it was eerily soft, not unlike my own swatches of fat. This was a blessing because less chewing meant less actual contact with my mouth. I think it's fair to say it was everything you'd expect from a sliver of briney fat. It was also the only time in my life my brain formed the sentence: "I have a mouth full of cellulite."

While I cannot endorse the eating of Pickled Pork Rinds, I do endorse playing with it like a puzzle. I did have some fun trying to put the pig back together, but eventually that got boring as I lost the will to live.

I have a feeling Dolores and I are not done. As long as she continues to market such treats as Pickled Pork Lips, I have no doubt she and I will do battle again.

[method77]

You can't be serious. People eat that?????

:sick:

[Redneck4sure]

You can't be serious. People eat that?????

:sick:

Dumb ones. :bigsmile:

[Kooperman]

Here are some of Redneck's mouth-watering Texas Republican treats and recipes:

http://www.funlinked.com/testicle/faq.html

[Redneck4sure]

You can have my share Koop. I'm not hungry right now.

[method77]

You can have mine too. I'd rather die

[rainbowdemon]

Funny, I've kind of lost my appetite too!!

:(