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BLACK LIVES MATTER! ×
BLACK LIVES MATTER!

my first barz.. plz rate them


anonymous

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well.. i've yet to find a proper flow. so help with this would be appreciated. a few of my mate's are mc's and i get bored sitting there whilst they spit, so i'm writing my own.

good and bad comments wanted. i'm new to the grime scene

slashin my way yeah, through the chorus

drillin hole's in ur face, makin it porus

my indigenous race, british they call us

dont bring beef to my door i'll cut up all of yus

now i'll carve my pride, into your chest

right about time, to invest.

in a stab proof vest, to cover your breast

my origional crest, dig in deep with a knife

pray i wont, take ur life

i'll wash man up with a wave of the grime

rinse man out with the rhythm an the rhyme

man should be skeptic this chorus is hectic

i;ll mould this stage with my own dialectic

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not finished yet.. some parts of it i plainly dont like.. and some part's i think flow well

levelin you with my lyrical view

these lyrical bars they'll leave u a clue

a clue to say this is how u spray

spray bars till im levelin u (<< hate this)

these bars have flames in the fray

no lyrical sway, merc man everyday.

bars spray cause im followin through

write of your name with my lyrical brew

wipe of your shame like shit off my shoe

swipe of your jaw as the strap fly's through

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can someone give me some feedback?

even just a rating out of 10?

The lines themselves are ok, but as a whole, the stanzas don't much sense. The best way to improve your work is by creating a theme to wrap the lyrics around. Then keep rewriting until your work is better.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest ChuBz17

I liked it but what Dudeasincool he is right about your lines, and how it just doesnt fit together here let me show you.

This is Benefits song Napster,

"An industry livin for critical fast check's, while I focus on the social political aspects"

Sickest line i've ever seen...

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