Dear Red States

[DudeAsInCool]

"Dear Red States..." A Letter From The Blue!

Reply to: [email protected]

Date: Fri Jun 24 11:54:43 2005

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and

we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,

Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We

believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially

to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot

Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You

get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states

pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the

Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a

bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and

anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at

once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have

kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no

purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their

children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and

hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our

resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent

of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple

and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of

America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)

90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most

of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and

condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,

Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88

percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care

costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the

tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern

Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,

Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was

actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred

unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say

that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved

in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people

with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt

weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

Blue State

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/about/bes...o/80714812.html

PS - we're happy to take portions of austin and suggest dividing the city up like Jerusalem. The red states can have the capital building and its politicians--we'll take the rest :)

[Wolfie]

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt

weed they grow in Mexico.

That is the best part.

[Ken]

I guess I have nowhere to live now........

Man I hate people.

[Ken]

and especially

to the people of the new country of New California.

Now hold on one second.

I would never live in a place with the word "California" in it. I would not want to live in an arm pit state like California.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice

Wow.

Does he realize that there are a large number of "left leaning" individuals who are against abortion? It's part of the reason the Democratic party did so bad in 2004.

I mean, that pretty much describes my entire family (extended and all).

I think maybe we need to divide the "new" country as well.

Hell, why not get out of the ole' political steak knife and carve everything up like turkey (lettuce for the vegetarians)?

[DudeAsInCool]

I would never live in a place with the word "California" in it. I would not want to live in an arm pit state like California.

What dont you like about California? It's a pretty diverse state...

[rainbowdemon]

Is Ohio a red state or a blue state?

:wha':

[Wolfie]

Is Ohio a red state or a blue state?

:wha':

Depends on which side is counting the votes. :rolleyes:

[Kooperman]

Is Ohio a red state or a blue state?

:wha':

It's a purple state.....it votes blue and the machines bleed out red votes.

[rainbowdemon]

I'm just trying to find out if I get the good pot or the dirt weed.

:smokin:

[Ken]

What dont you like about California? It's a pretty diverse state...

I hate the weather, I hate the name, and I hate the typical hollywood atmosphere.

I supose it would be unfair to hate all of California, but oh well.

I suppose the moral of the story is, screw "New California".

[DudeAsInCool]

I hate the weather, I hate the name, and I hate the typical hollywood atmosphere.

I supose it would be unfair to hate all of California, but oh well.

I suppose the moral of the story is, screw "New California".

Hollywood is kinda like the wild, wild west. But what the media portrays is quite different from the reality...

[slum_goddess]

I supose it would be unfair to hate all of California, but oh well.

[Shawn]

I'm just trying to find out if I get the good pot or the dirt weed.

:smokin:

Depends who you know really.