My First Ever Song

[ricky9]

Quiet Thinker

(Verse 1)

I see children on their paper rounds

And old folk walking their wives

The silence makes me wonder

What is left in my life?

I lost my baby here

It never works out

I seem to meet the quiet thinker

Who never thinks aloud

(Verse 2)

Lately things don’t seem the same

And it’s getting to my head

Quiet thinker on my mind

As if my mind is being read

(Chorus)

Why do I do this to myself?

Why do I do this to myself?

Why do I do this to my health?

Why do I do this to myself?

(Verse 3)

Her sweet blue eyes are glistening

All to my surprise

I always end up wondering

How she could tell such lies

Stand by me sweetheart

And take my hand

All these dreams are dead now

It’s him I can’t stand

(Verse 4)

I dreamt a perfect world

And you were there to be seen

If love has lost all its meaning

Then invent a new word for me

(Chorus)

Why do I do this to everyone?

My life shot down by the gun

Why do I do this to myself?

I can’t hold on, I can’t hold on

Crit please, keeping in mind it's a first attempt

[DudeAsInCool]

Thematically, the idea of losing a girlfriend, is a good subject, and the writing is ok - but you don't really resolve coming to terms with the loss. I think you need a break verse about moving on...

Anyways, you are off to a good start. I would study some of your other favorite artists lyrics....and keep writing.