Imperial margarine hires young butter-churner

[Shawn]

A Nebraska teenager, 16 year old Tommy Mason, is getting to live his 15 minutes of fame. Imperial Margarine wants him to be their new spokesperson and they say they’re willing to wait until his trial and jail time is over.

Tommy was arrested last month on charges of indecent exposure and public indecency. Luckily for Tommy he’s a minor and will only serve four months in a juvenile detention centre. Some think that isn’t enough time.

“That’s not what margarine is for”, says supermarket manager Mike Johnson, "And while I don't care what product he uses for pulling his cord, I'd prefer he didn't do it in my store."

Imperial Margarine spokesperson Bill Simpson agrees but says “who are we to tell people how to use our product? After all, we sell margarine, not morality.”

Margarine is increasingly becoming the wank-off lube of choice amongst youngsters as it's cheap, readily available and doesn't carry the same stigma as a fifteen year old buying a jar of vaseline and a skin mag at the wee hours of the morning.

source

[Wolfie]

“We spend a fortune coming up with new ideas every year”, says Simpson. “This kid just saved us a fortune in marketing.” And Imperial wants to reward Tommy by making him their new spokesperson. Once Tommy is done serving his four months at a Nebraska state detention centre he will be signed to a 3 year contract at $1.5 million dollars per year.

That is assuming Tommy can still walk when he gets out of the joint. I believe they use a lot margerine on the inside too.

[slum_goddess]

wolfie.

Imperial Margarine spokesperson Bill Simpson agrees but says “who are we to tell people how to use our product? After all, we sell margarine, not morality.”

wow...the voice of reason. *admiring*

[KiwiCoromandel]

nothing like greasing a few palms....... :)

[DudeAsInCool]

  Tommy says it all started when he saw his high-school crush Naomi Hunters working at the cash. “She’s a real hottie”, says Tommy. “I couldn’t contain myself (and) when I saw that margarine I just had to do it.” Naomi says she’s flattered and disgusted by all this. “But mostly disgusted”, she adds. 

Imperial? I thought Naomi said - 'Nothing tastes better than with Blue Bonnet on it!"

[slum_goddess]

i thought she said 'i can't believe it's not butter' or whatever

[KiwiCoromandel]

i thought she said 'i can't believe it's not butter' or whatever

i thought she said " i`ve tried it myself and i can`t believe it`s not better ".... :)

[DudeAsInCool]

Tommy's got a secret - grandmom is the one who churns out the raw stuff:

[DudeAsInCool]

And it ain't for Naomi - but it is Barely Legal:

[DudeAsInCool]

Of course with girls like this, is it any wonder what Tommy has chosen Imperial and Moo Moo

[KiwiCoromandel]

always know which side your hand is buttered on.....

[DudeAsInCool]

Hey, Kiwi - Is this Peter principle you are suggesting similar to one hand clapping?

[KiwiCoromandel]

it only works if you`ve got one hand and your name is peter..... :bigsmile:

[slum_goddess]

does this count like when Malicious said about threads deteriorating or whatever?

[Redneck4sure]

at all you master debaters.