How to Score at the Democratic Convention

[DudeAsInCool]

How Mr. Sun would score at the convention.

Many thousands of you have written to ask this serious and sobering question: "Mr. Sun, how would you score at the Democratic convention?" Thank you for asking. First, let's state the obvious: I would score, and most likelymultiple times. I would be getting it on at the Fleet Center, on boats, in fancy hotels, at Fenway, and probably in that steel cage they made for protesters. Ladies, you know Mr. Sun will not initiate a coronal mass ejection until you are completely satisfied. Now, some thoughts on strategery:

First off, I would target a delegation with really bad seats. You've got to come home with something, and if you can't see any of the political superstars up close then perhaps copulating with a pseudonymous blogger would suffice.

I would look forward not backward: urging hot delegates to sleep with me not out of frustration over the past but hope for a sexy future. Having said that, some truly nasty bitterness sex sounds really hot. The more I think about it, the more open I remain to going off message for some incendiary hate-sex. If the chick wants to, as Paul Simon said, You can call me Al!

I might target NBC reporter Andrea Mitchell. She's a handsome woman, and there is no way that Alan Greenspan can possibly be satisfying her. I'd give her a reason to have some irrational exuberance, if you know what I mean. I don't think I could get near the NBC booth, so I might have to expose myself to her from down on the convention floor.

I would stress to chicks that the French approve of meaningless sex, because Democratic girls will do anyting if the French approve.

I would never hit on a babe while President Carter is speaking. That guy can crash a mood bigtime. I don't think he'd be of any help to me inreleasing my hostages, if you catch my drift.

I might urinate in an area around the North Carolina delegation. This would mark my territory and attract females in heat and possibly men who want to gay-marry me.

I am not settled on a pick-up line, but in honor of the candidate and his wife I am toying with this one: "Hi sweetheart. I've got 57 varieties of ways to get you off."

I would just condition the everloving shit out of my hair. It's a little brittle, and I want to go for that John Edwards look. This is where I might use my trial lawyer pick-up line: "Your honor, may I approach the wench?" Golden!

I would lie. Lying got most of the Democrats to get in bed with Bush on the war -- it ought to work for some bump-n-grind with Mr. Sun.

I will be updating this list and welcome your thoughts. It's important we all pull together at this time and create a rich and perverted fantasy life. Remember, the 9/11 commission blamed the whole thing on a lack of imagination. Don't let it happen again.

http://mrsun.us/2004/07/how-i-would-score-at-convention.html

[joeyz]

releasing my hostages

[Wolfie]

Watching CNN will never be the same after reading this.