Supposedly Real 911 Call Transcripts...

[Shawn]

Caller: "I'd like to make a unanimous complaint, so don't use my name."

Caller:

"Could you send the police to my house?"

Call-taker:

"What's wrong there?"

Caller:

"I called and someone answered the phone, but I'm not there."

Caller:

"I'm reporting a deer on the road. I almost hit it." Call-taker: "Is the deer alive?"

Caller: "Oh, no, it's run over. Many, many cars. Again and again, and - OH NO!!! NOT AGAIN!"

Caller:

"Am I talking to a real person, or this a recording?"

Caller:

"We might (cough) need the fire department here (cough)."

Caller:

"Is it okay for a civilian to take a person to the hospital, or does the ambulance have to do it?"

Caller:

(irate) "That's 'W' as in Williams and 'Y' as in why.". Caller (on realizing the police are on the way): "Get the keg outta here, dude!"

Caller:

"He's not breathing!"

Call-taker: "Can you get the phone close to him?

Caller: "WHY? You want to hear he's not breathing, too?"

Call-taker: "Does she have any weapons?"

Caller:

"Well, she has real long finger nails."

Call-taker: "We'll need a description of him."

Caller: "He's a lawyer."

Caller:

"No, she just didn't fall...I helped her!"

Complaint about a stolen mailbox:

Call-taker:

"What is your address?"

Caller:

"It's gone."

Nurse: "This is Room 314D - that's 'D' as in dead."

Caller:

"I'm scared, I just got an Ouija board for my birthday, and now there's writing on my wall and I can't get it off... this thing is going back to K-Mart first thing in the morning!