Time To Hire A New Pastor

[Shawn]

The following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for a pastorate:

Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with not even one convert. Prone to unrealistic building projects.

Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart, believes in dream-interpreting and has a prison record.

Moses: A modest and meek man, but a poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge.

David: The most promising leader of all until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbor's wife.

Elijah: Prone to depression. Collapses under pressure.

Hosea: A tender and loving pastor but our people could never handle his wife's occupation.

Jonah: Refused God's call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed by a great fish. He told us the fish spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up.

John: Says he is a Baptist, but definitely doesn't dress like one! Has slept in the outdoors for months on end, and has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders.

Peter: Too blue collar. Has a bad temper - even has been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon.

Jesus: Has popular times, but once his church grew to 5000 he managed to offend them all, and then it dwindled down to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place for long. And, of course, he's single.

Judas: References are solid. A steady plodder. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We're inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here.