[frozen]

feedback please

[practice.]

this is skill spitting

fuck ill, is ur will written?

i kill just for the thrill like when a pill kicks in,

im laying bars that are hard enough to scar ur face

with one read ur eyes will bleed and seep it down ur face,

leave emcees speechless, toungue tied,

hung dried from one guy whos fucking number one, u wanna try......

then every emcee with balls big enough stand up,

cause my trigger finger itches for u bitches to stand up,

but my bullets are sick verses,

quick outbursts of obsurd curses,

a disturbed person,

im a working experiment of the devil,

my skill level is a result of a combination of several prescription pills,

an addiction filled ,

so listen real closely,

i will kill any mother fucker whos out there to oppose me,

ill take u fisty cuffs or slit ur wrists then split u up into four peices,

then feed each piece to leeches,

ill cut u from ur gut to ur throat

sit and laugh as i shoot cum up ur nose for a joke,

the messengers here and the message is clear,

sever heads and kill queers,

ull never touch these bars that im spitting,

they're hard hitting,

this is an art that isnt pre written,

are u impresst with this impressive writing,

im depresst, aggressive, slicing

the next verse in to my left thigh .... an, im looking forward to death,

as i destroy the alphabet till theres no letters left

im mentally fucked up , legally insane,

better think again before challenging me to battle friend.

as the title says just practicing some freestyle. give me some feedback .

[battle me]

there u go 32 bars. let the voting comence.

[battle me]

listen up u illiterate fuck.

i think ur fingers stuck on the letter E,

a pathetic emcee.

tv, 3, emcee, mp3, g, key, and 3 times over the word me,

this isnt rhyming so heres a free lesson,

so grab a pen and pad fast cause class is now in session,

ill tear your crew to pieces while asleep

then force feed u faeces for a week,

your weak,

you silly fool,

how can u expect me to respect skill in you,

when ur only rhyming one cylibal,

is that word to big for you,

and ur right u would need to rape my girl,

cause seeing a silly prick like u would only make her hurl,

ur verbal chlamydia

in future the only thing u should write is ur signature,

but spell check it first, ha ha.

im spitting metaphors to settle scores,

im killing cunts and whores with a blunted board and a hunting sword,

ill force weak emcees like u to retire,

it aint easy to spit or write some shit when ur bodys burning on fire

ill be turning pliers ripping ur teeth out,

just to make sure u never rap again or try to speak out,

is this clear for u, can u read between the lines,

josef fritzel will be freed before ur signed,

u and ur crew are another example of the blind leading the blind,

and i find ur petty challenge funny,

be thankfull im in a good mood or ude see a good dude turn ugly,

your a weakling, an amatuer who needs teaching,

is ur lesson learnt mr e , or shall i continue this beating,

better think again before battling me here on beatking,

[does any 1 wanna battle me]

Plagiarism is against the rules in any writing contest.

We could use some Rules - why not put some together and see how people feel about them.

okay. let the voting comence on this. and ill post up some rules tomorrow see what people think. its 3am in the uk i gotta get some sleep. lol

[does any 1 wanna battle me]

Messenger by a tko

dude as in cool ive just noticed that grimey has just copied and pasted his verse from rate my ryhme. let the voting keep going / but surely thats against rules. or is there any rules 1st battle on here

[does any 1 wanna battle me]

firstly i think spay is spelt spray,

okay.

and u must be kidding if u think u packing a ak.

the only thing u spraying is the same shit ur spitting,

i mean what did it take 2 to 3 weeks to get that shit written.

i noticed in ur ryhme u said i was all alone,

i will tear apart ur whole crew without a beat or a microphone,

if thats the best uv got,

then i suggest u stop,

maybe start a car boot sale in a parking lot,

either way its time to drop the act and quit rapping.

cause the only thing ur ryhmes create is loud laughing.

and ill be honest with you , this could be alot worse,

but i pity u, ur shity crew and ur shit verse,

so there u have it ive pisst all over ur weak shit,

come back in a few years time cause right now ur a cheap bitch.

there 16 .

lets have some voting then. and no hard feelings grimey nothing personal just a battle

[im new to this be honest.brutally honest lol]

I'm not trying to say that your piece sounds like ernie, but that your delivery, while proficiently rhythmical, doesn't capture the imagination. There is a certain amount of content that is expected - your sexing ability, your mad money making ability, the decay of your neighborhood compared to all others, the general state of society, the abilities and behavior of the bitches you know, the drugs you'd recommend or forewarn, and finally, your ability to be the coolest fucker at a party.

shawn quality statement. i love it. lmfao

[im new to this be honest.brutally honest lol]

thankyou for your reply its allways welcomed,could you explain yourself tho im not understanding wot your getting at so please tell me.

too be honest i was maybe a little rash with my statement think twice, but the first four lines of your verse pissed me off a little. i originaly thought u were american directing that coment at english emcees just to be a prick. (which u wernt) music is freedom and a way of expressing urself people shouldnt care about what style or way they choose to do it or have to be judged for there chosen style. creativity is possitivity in life. i just didnt like the line. but if im totaly honest ive writ some pretty offensive stuff that probably upsets alot of people. so i was wrong to write that and withdraw the statement think twice

i think u can write and posses the ability to clearly put ur point across . but the rhyming isnt great. dude as in cools spot on. pick out some of ur fav verses and scribble it down. practice makes perfect try and write atleast one verse a day. eventualy it will all come together.

[im new to this be honest.brutally honest lol]

I hate english mc's that americanise there bars

talk about hoes but never had there hand up a bra

THINK TWICE,

[rate plzz]

dude as in cool much love. u never miss a post lol

[does any 1 wanna battle me]

yeah ill battle u , lay 16 bars ill reply

[rate plzz]

not bad. started off nice seemed to loose it a bit towards the end but overall nice

[We Fuckin Or What?]

i like it , nice hook, hope u dont mind clinton added a verse hope u like, maybe u finish it off with a third verse,

Verse 2,

yeah party. get drunk til im fuckt up,

then feed these bitches dick like they queing for a lunch truck,

it goes from one touch to one fuck,

so we fucking or what,

leave these bitches dribbling cum like they dribbling snot,

yeah im scribbleing plots, looking out for the easy pickings,

sleezy bitches, that eat dick quick like cheesy dippers,

cause u know we all out for a good time,

champagne , blunts , and a good line,

a drunk girl in the backroom yeah shes mine,

yeah im juggling her tits ,

while shes guzzling dick,

i aint a hustler but ill hustle u bitch,

ill tell a girl ill give her the world just to get the pussy,

unless its bushy, shit ive seen them green, red raw, and sometimes moushey,

yeah party hard til i can hardly stand ,

but theres only one thought or overall plan,

listen chick is we fucking or what,

if not move along cause ur sister is hot,

[battle within]

im gonna tur this into a song and post it up soon. im working on it. internets down at the moment so not getting on here much. but im writing alot at the moment so will get some more posted up

[frozen]

chorous.

god forgive me , im freezing,

world release me, im fre....ezing,

god forgive me , im freezing,

world release me , release meeeee,

verse 1

im freezing, frozen,

old wounds are bleeding and still slit open,

im hoping, that this cocaine takes the pain away,

but the pain will stay for the next day the next day then the next day,

and the best way to pull myself up from the strugle,

is guit the hustle and avoid trouble,

but as much as i try i seem to find double,

i remember growing up in the rubble,

my mum tried to feed 3 kids with benifits,

i was broker than the rest of kids,

but it was her best she did, a good job even thoe her heart was broken,

she was raped when i was seven and for three years since her and my father hadnt spoken,

divorce was the path he chose an, he didnt bother coming to see us a fucking coward,

i think its then that i became obsesst with money and power.

my heart started freezing, these scars are still bleeding,

repeat chorus.

verse 2

release me, give me some piece.

i hate these streets sometimes wish i was deceased,

isnt it funny how a reputation never leaves u,

in the streets most people are still too scard to come greet u,

a drug dealer who gets in more punch ups than tyson,

a good day is to be coked up and fighting,

but ive changed now im a father,

i spend my days teaching my son a world that i never seen,

trying to quess what a father is, ive only seen him in dreams,

i have everything, but yet feel empty like i have nothing,

fullfilled my dreams yet i feel that they aint worth nothing,

my girl says its cause ive never seen love so cant show loving,

and this empty hollow void inside,

is filled with coke whisky and wine,

so release me, or atleast take the pain away,

for the next day the next day and the next day,

repeat chorous

i posted this up asking for feed back on the hook but didnt get any, but im in a writing mood so decided to finish it , a bit depressing i know its a old song of mine that ive rewritten. had to leave out the third verse . just a little to personnal to put on the internet. but hope u like.

[untitled]

money fuels the fires of hell, next to liquer,

funny thoe i love them both so ill go quicker,

exuse me if im negative,

but ive never lived like a clever kid,

instead i did it my way,

like frank said, travelled each and every highway,

and not in a shy way.

this is unfinished , my laptops shutting down , ill finish in the tomorrow

[battle within]

everydays a circus, im going insane,

circling in search of my way in this game,

that we call life, we all fight,

but tonight it feels like im gonna kill the other me thats inside,

im bordering insanity,

but isnt insanity better understood as a misunderstood personality,

or actualy in reality its just crazy,

see lately im cracking up but just lately,

ive seen alot of darkness ,growing up was grim,

but the hardest battle fought is with the demon that i battle within,

and ill keep battling , cause im a fucking soldier,

ill take the weight of the world on these shoulders,

[random story]

sitting in a bloody puddle

im in a muddle

as i cuddle a corpse,

stand up take a moment of thought,

my girls now cuddling the corpse,

my first thought fucking run for it,

you must of done this shit,

run before police come and put u under arrest,

as i tire stop to take a moment of rest im rushing,

look down see a knife in my chest and blood gushing,

i dont love nothing except my girl so i start runing back only to see,

this cant be the corpse shes cuddling is me. . . . . .

she screaming crying as i cry,

i cant believe i never got too say goodbye,

the sky opens i look up my mothers there with both arms open,

as i leave i brush my lips across her face,

your always be my girl and our love will never be replaced.

had writers block for almost a year. so just writ the first random story that came to mind a pretty in depth story but no truth behind it.

[every1 im bak wit some nu rhymes]

deffinatly better , keep at it.

[rate ma barz grime uk]

agreed. slang is part of style. but i did find it akward to read.

[rate ma barz grime uk]

in all honesty i didnt think it was very good.

its also very frustrating to read with all the spelling errors.

on a possitive note. if you realy want to be good at writing then practice. i dont think its a natural talent. start by increasing your vocabulary. reading helps. then practice ryming . i uset to pick the biggest word i could find then see how many times i could ryme it, then put it into a sentance. if you practice hard eventualy ryming will be easy. the hard part will be putting your thoughts ,life , and feelings into a sentance while ryming at same time. just write every day and practice eventualy it will all come together

remember not to be influenced by what other artists or writers are doing. stay true to yourself.

[uk]

its always great to get feedback and you seem to take the time to reply to almost everything so much respect

[uk]

dude as in cool you always reply to my stuff and i see you everywhre on this site are you like a site owner or something

[freezing]

hi cole this is messenger real name liam. thanks for sharing. it was a very hard time for me and still is a very soure subject i quess thats why i didnt reply straight away. as time goes on things improve. death is such a hard thing to acept. i think tha if she had just died peacfully in her sleep it would be easier its having to go through the pain and suffering and feeling so useless. but i always feel like shes still here with me. how was things for you.