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Hemoglobin Harry

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Posts posted by Hemoglobin Harry

  1. Probably the best movie Kevin Smith has ever made. Certainly my favorite of the year. Loved how he tied it all in.

    Never really realized how hot Rosario Dawson was before.

  2. A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

    The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

    Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken.

    "What's the moral of that story?" asked the teacher.

    "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

    Next, little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are Farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."

    "That was a fine story Sarah." said the teacher. "Michael, do you have a story to share?"

    "Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got hit.

    She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

    "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

    "Stay the fuck away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking."

  3. Child 1: Mom, why am I named Lily?

    Mom: Because when you were born, a lily petal drifted down and landed on your head.

    Child 2: Mom, why am I named Rose?

    Mom: Because when you were born, a rose petal drifted down and landed on your head.

    Child 3 - makes gurgling noise and gestures

    Mom: Shut up, cinder block!

  4. A K-State student was stopped by a game warden at Tuttle Creek Lake recently. The student had two ice chests full of fish. The game warden, a KU grad, asked him, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

    "No, sir, I don't have a license. These are my pet fish," replied the Wildcat. "Every night I take my fish out to Tuttle Creek and let them swim around for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice chest and I take them home."

    The warden said, "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

    The K-Stater looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the truth. I'll show you, it really works."

    "OK, I've GOT to see this!" responded the warden.

    The K-Stater poured the fish into Tuttle Creek and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

    "Well what?"

    "When are you going to call them back?"

    "Call who back?"

    "The FISH!" yelled the game warden.

    "What fish?"

  5. A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken is stretched back enjoying a cigarette

    with a very satisfied smile across his face.

    The egg is frowning and looking extremely frustrated.

    The egg sighs and says, "Guess we answered that question."

  6. Just the kind of borderline civil disobedience I can latch onto.

    In reality, you have to prove nothing. If Wal-Mart wants to accuse you of shoplifting, the burden of proof is on them to prove your guilt, not you to prove your innocence. And if they do anything whatsoever to physically stop you from walking out of the store, that's kidnapping, and you should be calling the police on them, not the other way around. Hence the Wal-Mart "don't pursue" policy. Their lawyers have already figured out that they have no legal basis for stopping and searching shoppers. Thus, your compliance is entirely voluntary.

    It wouldn't be kidnapping it would be unlawful detainment.

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