AnalogKid

I'm planning a little trip with my immediate and extended family, and I would like your assistance. I'm going to cross the U.S. border into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So if it's not too much trouble, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: 1. Free medical care for my entire family. 2. English speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not. 3. All government forms need to be printed in English. 4. I want my children to be taught by English speaking teachers. 5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history. 6. I want my children to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down. 7. Please plan on feeding my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch. 8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services. 9. I do not plan to carry any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws. 10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from President Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English. 11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals. 12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and without the troublesome enforcement of any labor or tax laws. 13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me or the strain I might place on the economy. I know this is an easy request because you already do all of these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that President Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with Vice President Cheney. Thank you so much for your assistance. Sincerely, (insert your name here)

Apparently, Bush has now declared that he is above Congressional and Judicial oversight and is not bound by the Constitution of the United States. WASHINGTON -- President Bush has quietly claimed the authority to disobey more than 750 laws enacted since he took office, asserting that he has the power to set aside any statute passed by Congress when it conflicts with his interpretation of the Constitution. http://www.boston.com/news/nation/washingt...ndreds_of_laws/ So, Senators Frist, Specter, Roberts, Graham, and Speaker Hastert, when are you planning on doing something about this or are you going to continue to remain irrelevant? What is more ironic is that W has declared May 1, 2006 Law Day. I think Cognitive Dissonance Day is more appropriate. http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/20...20060428-7.html

So now it's not just illegal wiretapping, but illegal physical searches. Apparently, the residents of the White House forgot about a trivial little thing called the Fourth Amendment. Can we please have investigations into this blatant abuse of power now? http://www.usnews.com/usnews/news/articles/060327/27fbi.htm

Hopefully she'll find someone else to marry who can afford to buy her some new clothes ... she's obviously outgrown that sweater and skirt (the skirt looks like it has a tear in it too).

Someone should have told this idiot that it's too early to start roasting nuts for the holidays. http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/buttrocket.html

SYDNEY (Reuters) - A man who twice missed while trying to shoot a friend's cow only to accidentally shoot a passer-by in the leg was fined Wednesday for what an Australian court described as a freak accident. Rudolf Stadler, 61, agreed in April last year to shoot the troublesome cow which belonged to a friend who owns a hobby farm at Caboolture in tropical Queensland state. Stadler lured the cow to a shed, and then took aim with his rifle. He missed. He took aim a second time, fired and missed again. The second shot went through the back of the shed, a fence across a paddock and then through the door of a car being driven along a road behind the farm. The bullet hit 46-year-old Carrie Tunning in the leg. Maybe the cow was shooting back.

Frankenstein for me. http://www.liquidgeneration.com/quiz/horror_quiz.asp

http://www.bigad.com.au/ http://media.ebaumsworld.com/sportka.wmv

Thought this was interesting and could possibly stir up a hornets nest. Enjoy!! http://news.rgj.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?...60362/1016/NEWS

That's apple juice. I'm surprised that you didn't know that every so often, the leaders of all the industrialized nations get together to drink apple juice and compare stories about how they lie to their citizens.

I never realized that he was a liberal. http://www.zod2008.com/

Donahue: "Two things have doubled in the past couple of years: the number of dead in Iraq and Haliburton stock. O'Reilly: "I gotta go. When we come back...." Nice rebuttal, Bill. http://www.crooksandliars.com/2005/09/21.html#a5055

Her mind is obviously on things other than news. http://www.guzer.com/videos/jackoff_woman.php

I wonder what will be said in his father's lecture. John Ellis Bush, 21, shown in this photo provided by the Austin, Texas Police Department, was arrested early Friday morning, Sept. 16, 2005, in Austin and charged with public intoxication and resisting arrest, a Travis County Sheriff's Department spokesman said. Bush is the youngest son of Florida Gov. Jeb Bush. (AP Photo/Austin Police Department) AP - Sep 16 4:19 PM http://search.news.yahoo.com/search/news/?...h&c=news_photos

Who the hell needs tissues? That's why they invented sleeves.

VP told to go F' himself. Couldn't have said it better myself. http://www.crooksandliars.com/2005/09/08.html#a4856

What a whiner!! http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1603775/

Shepard Smith was doing a "live" cellphone interview from a bar in downtown New Orleans on Bourbon Street. He asked a patron why he is still staying. The guy says live... "None of your f--ing business." A priceless response to a stupid question. http://tiger.towson.edu/users/bstelt1/tvn/shep.mov

A Darwin Award candidate. BOSTON (AP) -- A woman was hospitalized with broken bones after she climbed onto the rafters of Fenway Park during Sunday night's Rolling Stones concert and fell 35 to 40 feet. Twenty-year-old Claire O'Leary, of Westport, Conn., was hospitalized with two broken ankles and a broken wrist after she fell 35 to 40 feet Sunday from the rafters above the right-field grandstand. http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/082...sFall23-ON.html

Did someone Photoshop Tom Arnold's face on this picture?

http://www.canada.com/national/nationalpos...2c-615ef31355e7bs_protector

This is a strange stance from someone I would assume is "pro-life". It's just another instance of a hypocritical asshole using religion to instigate violence. Robertson and Falwell are the equivalent of bin Laden lite.

Wait, tigers are dangerous? And we shouldn't put our children next to them and take pictures? Sheesh... They ought to come with labels or something. definitely not the parents' or the school system's fault. How could they have known tigers were dangerous?

Blasphemy!! Here's what you really need.

Simply the most amazing piece of software I've ever seen. http://earth.google.com/