Concretecmist
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I agree with above. This was a freestyle (as much as it can be on a keyboard) right? I liked it, for what it's worth.
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Simple and smooth flowing. I think you have the bones of a really good peace here, I could tell you were passionate about it. I'd like to have seen you complecating the ryhmes more. Can up the suspense and make it more dramatic. But pretty good.
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Bitterest Duellists She cuts with a wry glance, is sadistic and cruel Like kids, hot days, spyglasses, insects after school Nikita and Azumi rolled into a femme fatale A Blade Runner, deadly from head to toe dressed to kill Razor sided trainers with soles-of fired rubber, raced to the dangers. Fighting for thrills, wears you down like boulders to wire scrubbers, crazed not blameless. Passionate and merciless like a pain-giving fetishist Monthly cycles dot the page only after death sentences Her Sweet styles against beast; Sugar Ray and Raging Bull Bloody stains on concrete, this gringo is nobody’s fool Like post-grads sight-seeing in the Caribbean Ringo is spotted, Doc Holiday fights an engaging duel He Adapts like a water-breeding amphibian A gaijin assassin Turning aristocracy the colour of decomposition Like Earl Grey, sipping tea, relaxing. Blowing a snot nose Burns with hypocrisy when a tear flows at funerals of those he wished to dispose by smashing skulls Fencing, feeding all duelists like sword-swallowers attracting an audience of followers. Without shields, weapons unveiled, fighting through a paddy field With scents of incense at the final instance. Signs and portents; the last Truths are sad and real Katana thrust through his chest, he lost his last breath while slashing her throat gifting her death. Granting both rest Two incomplete human-beings, like bread unleavened. Proles’ Orwellian blues is a hellish heaven. Hate curses, like dolls and chilling voodoo or sins seven. What is chosen that kills you is reminiscent-of your loves’ greatest session