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Concretecmist's Achievements


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  1. I agree with above. This was a freestyle (as much as it can be on a keyboard) right? I liked it, for what it's worth.
  2. Simple and smooth flowing. I think you have the bones of a really good peace here, I could tell you were passionate about it. I'd like to have seen you complecating the ryhmes more. Can up the suspense and make it more dramatic. But pretty good.
  3. Bitterest Duellists She cuts with a wry glance, is sadistic and cruel Like kids, hot days, spyglasses, insects after school Nikita and Azumi rolled into a femme fatale A Blade Runner, deadly from head to toe dressed to kill Razor sided trainers with soles-of fired rubber, raced to the dangers. Fighting for thrills, wears you down like boulders to wire scrubbers, crazed not blameless. Passionate and merciless like a pain-giving fetishist Monthly cycles dot the page only after death sentences Her Sweet styles against beast; Sugar Ray and Raging Bull Bloody stains on concrete, this gringo is nobody’s fool Like post-grads sight-seeing in the Caribbean Ringo is spotted, Doc Holiday fights an engaging duel He Adapts like a water-breeding amphibian A gaijin assassin Turning aristocracy the colour of decomposition Like Earl Grey, sipping tea, relaxing. Blowing a snot nose Burns with hypocrisy when a tear flows at funerals of those he wished to dispose by smashing skulls Fencing, feeding all duelists like sword-swallowers attracting an audience of followers. Without shields, weapons unveiled, fighting through a paddy field With scents of incense at the final instance. Signs and portents; the last Truths are sad and real Katana thrust through his chest, he lost his last breath while slashing her throat gifting her death. Granting both rest Two incomplete human-beings, like bread unleavened. Proles’ Orwellian blues is a hellish heaven. Hate curses, like dolls and chilling voodoo or sins seven. What is chosen that kills you is reminiscent-of your loves’ greatest session
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