[addition to underneath]

i was up your girl doing pay as you go verse (1)
we was on my sofa tits were on show
slipping and sliding
bumpin and grinding
mum walks in
then slams tthe door
bang her once more
now im finished wih the whore
i walk her downstairs
my mums throwing the chairs
girl says im out
so i rave and i shout
dad comes in
i give him a clout
he gives me one back
my jaw goes crack
im like man
that was wack!!!

it was me and your girl (chorus)
the most beautiful twirl
always looks tidy
i always say
(you should be my bridie)



it was me and ur girl goin for a ride verse (2)
she was sucking my dick tryin to hide
so much deepthroat
she yelled and she cried
she says sorry i tried
she cant carry on
she sits back and stares
cant help but look at her pair
eyes back on the road
tryin not to care
cant help but glimps
i see a couple of pimps
now im swerving
different side of the road
now i move back
too far
give a tree a wack!!!

[plz rate my bars]

[quote name='DudeAsInCool' date='04 April 2010 - 10:27 PM' timestamp='1270416468' post='188668']
I thought is was humorous and sexist :) You might right a few more verses and add some breaks and choruses before you add any music to the lyrics
[/quote]
kk thanks for the advice man

[just a random poem plz rate]

i keep having this dream
coming apart at the seams
like a teddy bear
then i finish having no hair
or string
the cat comes in
and knocks me off the table
i fall apart cus i am unable
get chewed up im phsically unstable
i feel that im covered in slobber
so i sit there and sobber
my heart out
this was all my fears
no one hears or sees my tears
but one
it was my mum
scoops me up in her hand
takes me to the shop
try and jump and hop
but fail
we walk in
the bloke is sewing
im repaired
she drops me
i have no head.

[GRIM REAPER]

plz rate my barz
tell me whether to put it on a track or not.

ive got the fastest flow
always put my skills on show
i will shoot you
with an arrow and a bow
straight in the head
ur in ur death bed
with the grim reaper
hes the grim teaser
hes gonna eat ya
grims in black
on his own track
he sells crack
and many drugs
he drinks beer in many glugs
he is smoking lots of buds
at once
he is a stoner
you are a loner
cant get a boner
your dead
in a coffin of wood and led
nailed in
broken shin
lost your time
i am the KING OF GRIME!!!

[plz rate my bars]

these are my second set of bars.
plz rate them out of 10.
tell me if you think i should put them on a track.

i was up your girl doing pay as you go
we was on my sofa tits were on show
slipping and sliding
bumpin and grinding
mum walks in
then slams the door
bang her once more
now im finished wih the whore
i walk her downstairs
my mums throwing the chairs
girl says im out
so i rave and i shout
dad comes in
i give him a clout
he gives me one back
my jaw goes crack
im like man
that was wack!!!

[see what you think]

these are the first bars i have written tell me what you think.
they are pretty basic but they might be quite good.

dont clash me,
who do you think you are,
you struggle spittin just one bar,
someone hit you, you would see stars,
ill get you runover by a couple of cars,
you will fly far,
now you know your not hard,
go in a club you get bard,
everyone thinks your a retard.
slap your wrist,
thats slapstick,
'comedy',
you are a prick,
'mug',
dont give me a shrug,

we need to get you off of these streets,
everyones heard of my beats,
im always on repeat,
ona stereo,
your a homo,
' a faggot',
you cant hack it,
go sit down,
actually for safetys sake,
get out of town,
cus once i start i dont stop,
buy a gun from the shop,
*pow*,
your head goes pop,
into pieces,
you will be sleeping with the fishes,
six feet under,
come on bruv wheres your hunger.