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Sarah Palin "Facts"

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Sarah Palin once shot down a MiG just by pointing her index finger at it and yelling "Bang!"

Some girls want to grow up to be Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman wants to grow up to be Sarah Palin.

1 man once claimed that Sarah Palin beat him up twice. This was immediately dismissed as a lie because no one could survive the first time.

The Russians decided to invade Georgia because it is the tiny country furthest away from Alaska and Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin and Fred Thompson walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed because no ordinary building can contain that much awesome.

Rumor has it that Chuck Norris was McCain's first choice as running mate, but Chuck told John "Find someone tougher than me!"

Sarah Palin is the reason compasses point north.

Sarah Palin wears glasses lest her uncontrollable optic blasts slaughter everyone.

Sarah Palin became Alaska's governor because having five children left her with too much spare energy.

Sarah Padawan Palin is the "other" of whom Yoda spoke.

Sarah Palin knows exactly how old the Chinese gymnasts are.

Sarah Palin knows who was on the grassy knoll.

Jesus wears a bracelet that says "WWSPD."

Sarah Palin drives a Zamboni to work.

Sarah Palin is tough enough to shave off Chuck Norris' beard. With her nails.

It's not over until Sarah Palin says it's over.

November 2007 a U.S. Air Force flight of F-22s intercepted a Russian Tu-95 bomber that was encroaching on U.S. airspace near Alaska. Gov. Sarah Palin was the lead pilot.

Sarah Palin can tackle a moose with her bare hands. She does not even need to use a rifle to bring down the beast! But she uses the gun, to keep the other hunters happy.

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* Death once had a near-Sarah Palin experience

* Sarah Palin paid her way through school by hunting for yeti pelts with a slingshot.

* Sarah Palin knows the location of DB Cooper’s body because she threw him from the plane.

* Sarah Palin’s enemies are automatically added to the Endangered Species List

* Sarah Palin’s brain is three times the size of Joe Biden’s. It’s science.

* Little Known Fact: Iran’s nuclear program is a response to Sarah Palin

* NFL teams may draft Sarah Palin, if they forfeit all their other players forever, to maintain league parity.

Sarah Palin's DNA is so tough she doesn't use hairspray...instead, her youngest daughter's spit keeps her hair in style 24/7.

Sarah Palin does not cry. She leaks amniotic fluid.

Sarah Palin is so persuasive that when she worked in a convenience store as a teenager, she actually DID sell ice to Eskimos.

Sarah Palin can bring forth oil from the Alaskan oil fields with a quick stomp from either her of her high heels.

One time Sarah Palin was attacked in the Alaskan wilderness by a ferocious Grizzly...but walked away unharmed because, in a 15-second conversation, the bear grew flustered and switched his position to pro-life.

Even Al Gore knows (although he'll never admit it...) that the REAL cause of Global Warming is that there's someone as HOT as Sarah Palin so close to the North Pole.

She hunts and eats moose - not simply for the meat, but because a moose once crossed the street in front of her car, delaying her trip by 8 seconds. The insult was not forgotten.

Sarah Palin can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and then line-item veto the pork.

Alaska does not have the death penalty. Instead, murderers are offered the choice between life imprisonment or being given a one-hour head start before Sarah Palin is allowed to hunt them down. So far, all have chosen life in prison.

Sarah Palin is so tough that she decided to take a ten-minute stroll during her lunch hour...and ended up winning the Iditarod.

Sarah Palin is so tough, she wears polar bear fur when it’s 40 below outside… while the polar bear is still wearing it.

The Northern Lights? They're actually just the reflection from Sarah Palin's eyes.

Sarah Palin knows that Intelligent Design will not only improve education...but White House decor as well.

Sarah Palin is running for VP, but when she's not around, those in the RNC like to refer to her as the "Moosiah."

Sarah Palin bears her young, not underwater...but in a tank of sweet light crude.

When Jack Bauer dials 911, the call is immediately forwarded to Sarah Palin.

Tom Brady's knee injury was orchestrated to make room for Sarah Palin on the Patriots' roster.

Sarah Palin is so cool that Bruce Willis is jealous of her children’s names.

Unlike Senator Stevens, Sarah Palin knows that the internet is actually a series of fallopian tubes.

For extra credit in 4th grade Social Studies, Sarah Palin parachuted over North Vietnam and rescued John McCain from the Hanoi Hilton.

And finally...Sarah Palin has a half full case of Whup-ass in her fridge. She only needed half a can to clean up Alaskan politics. The rest of the case is still right there next to the mustard...waiting to be shipped to D.C. in January.

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Sarah Palin uses French Canadians as bait to catch giant king salmon.

When Sarah Palin booked a flight to Europe, the French immediately surrendered.

Sarah Palin knows who was on the grassy knoll.

Sarah Palin’s finishing move in the VP debate will be pulling Biden’s still beating heart from his chest & taking a bite.

Russia sold Alaska to America because Sarah Palin would not bow to autocracy.

Alaskan wolfpacks give Sara Palin first dibs on their kills.

Sarah Palin will give birth to the man who will lead humanity’s war against the machines.

The diamonds in Sarah Palin’s earrings were crushed with her very hands.

Sarah Palin’s use of the word “Haberdashery” will bring it back in style.

Sarah Palin was not flown to Ohio in charter jet - she ran as part of morning workout

Queen Elizabeth II curtsied when she was introduced to Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin’s image already appears on the newer nickels.

Fox is starting a new reality show… when Sarah Palin Attacks.

Sarah Palin wants you to LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!

Sarah Palin can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves!

In the original version, He-Man had the power of Sarah Palin, but the writers felt this would make him way too powerful.

There is a special place in Hell reserved for all of Sarah Palin's enemies.

Sarah Palin can divide by zero.

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Further evidence that Sarah Palin is a joke.

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Further evidence that Sarah Palin is a joke.


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