See what you think, since its amauter

[Ringside]

I ride up to the club sitting on these twenty fo's

And I'm going to fly high like my name was Jim Jones

Because I fly high no lie yea boy I'm ballin

Don't get mad at me cause your girl is callin

Me out to the dance floor dog I can walk it out

See your girls melting on the floor from my drought

I'm like an Indian dancing all around

Doing my rain dance making it rain taking all your paychecks

It's not my fault god made this you cant tame this

Ringside is perfectly lyrically taught to be fit

So nigga if you don't like it, don't try it

Just leave out of this club before I ur-sher your ass

Trust me you weren't the first and you won't be the last

[DudeAsInCool]

It's ok - maybe a little bit self-involved - not sure what the message is beyond that. The lines are fine by themselves, but the story you are telling is a bit flat. You might want to consider drawing out the conflict with the other guy over the girl - and put that into a beginning, middle and end scheme about a guy going to a club. Think about the listener and the kind of story they would want to hear - then you will be on the right track. Hope this helps ...