quick rhyme tell me what ya think?

[Ringside]

you know today i learned a lesson

theres no point in second guessin

on the snakes the waste the used to be cell mates

cause they are all alike they are all the same

they dont know shame when it hits um in da face

your pride your life the love of your life

are worth close to nothing in these mens eyes

i gave them all a chance but then again i was blind

to there disguise easily seen in the light

of the father the holy ghost and the son

because only through there eyes can anything be won

so if you plannin on struttin and dropping a bomb

your better off killing yourself

cause with me your chances are a million to one

Edited August 15, 2008 by Ringside

[DudeAsInCool]

Not bad. The last couple lines could be a bit stronger.

[Ringside]

Not bad. The last couple lines could be a bit stronger.

thanks, yea it looks like im a bit rusty.

what would you suggest for it to be stronger?

[DudeAsInCool]

thanks, yea it looks like im a bit rusty.

what would you suggest for it to be stronger?

the song is about disappointment with friends - i would come up with something that dealt with that in a less of a harsh way--your current ending hits one over the head

[Ringside]

the song is about disappointment with friends - i would come up with something that dealt with that in a less of a harsh way--your current ending hits one over the head

alright i got wha you mean.

thanks man