FemaleCollegeJournalist On Decline of the HandJob

[DudeAsInCool]

Campus Life/On Top

March 04, 2004

If diamonds are a girl's best friend, hand jobs are a close second.

So, I was having lunch with my girlfriends and we were discussing important worldly issues.

But, right in between John Kerry and gay marriage, we were disturbed by an issue that is sweeping LSU's campus -- the decline of the hand job.

This is a serious issue that college women have on their hands -- or that's the problem, they don't have anything on their hands.

I have asked around. Greeks, athletes, gays, the smelly girl in my philosophy class -- no one gives hand jobs.

I'm talking about the disappearance of second base. We can't play baseball without second base!

It's sad and we have to stop pretending that it doesn't exist. It's like the Mets, or Canada.

Girls, think about the last time you gave a guy's snake the friendly handshake.

Did he get off?

Don't feel insecure about your inability to flog his dolphin.

In a relationship, only a minority of guys enjoy this female's favorite pastime. The ones that do say it's additional entertainment and scenery that builds their excitement. And, it's not their first choice for their late night activities.

But, some college guys can't get off from a hand job.

Why? Well, there're several reasons.

One is that it's elementary, my dear, Watson.

Along with letter jackets, hand jobs are a high school thing.

In high school we were on a sexual expedition. It was our chance to learn trigonometry, physics and how to pleasure our lover. And, when we learn new things we take baby steps.

I'm just guessing, but I bet very few girls gave their first hand job and first blow job in the same night.

Hand jobs are a respectable sex act. It's a way to be a little wild while maintaining your innocence.

But, in college, if you go home with a guy and give him a hand job and then stop (because of the fear if you go any further you're a slut) the guy thinks you're a tease.

Are girls now expected to go from kissing to kissing something else?

Another reason why guys don't get off from hand jobs is most girls don't know how to give them properly.

A discouraged freshman told me, "They tug on it like a stuck zipper instead of treating it like sensitive machinery."

The third reason is that college guys are experienced. Most guys have seen the big apple and don't ever want to go home.

Sure, some girls have the force, but once they substitute the hand for the mouth or the prize down below, the hand just can't hack it.

The extinction of the hand job seems to be inevitable. So, unfortunately, I bid goodbye to that high school staple, the hand job, and look forward to next week's article: on top or bottom?

http://www.lsureveille.com/vnews/display.v...a?in_archive=1%

[Shawn]

I feel sullied for having read it. :taskmaster:

[DudeAsInCool]

[rainbowdemon]

I was going to ask what this had to do with entertainment, but the more i thought about it.............

:horny:

[Kooperman]

I feel sullied for having read it. :taskmaster:

they call it sullied now?

[Shawn]

It sounded better than 'jerked around'.

[MxRob]

LMFAO :gigglin: