Would You Be My Girlfriend

[ChopperX]

I don't know if it's any good, but this is my third song. Please tell me what you think of it and if/what should be changed.

Since the day I first met you

I already knew, that I was going to love you

When you’re not around, there’s a hole in my heart

I just don’t want us to be apart

I want to tell you how much I care for you, how much I love you

My love for you is true like one and one is two

There’s only one thing keeping me from asking.. It’s the fact that you might say no

Though my feelings for you are stronger, so here I go:

So, would you be my girlfriend?

I’d never leave your side

I’d comfort you whenever you cried

I love you, whether it’s wrong or right

My feelings for you will never change

I hope that I’m not putting you in derange

I love you,

I’ll always do,

I’ll never be untrue to you

Life’s to short to hide feelings

So now I’m letting them out:

You give me hope, you make me feel strong, you give me the strength to continue when everything goes wrong

And when I think of you, everything’s alright

I just have to ask:

Would you be my girlfriend?

I’d never leave your side

I’d comfort you whenever you cried

I love you, whether it’s wrong or right

My feelings for you will never change

I hope that I’m not putting you in derange

I love you..

I’ll always do..

I’ll never be untrue to you..

[DudeAsInCool]

I think it needs slightly restructured...the number of lines in the stanzas should remain roughly the same before and after the breaks

[ChopperX]

Ok thanks, I'll add a few more lines to it.

How about the changes I made to the second couplet? Is it better this way?

Just you and me, that’s the way it should be

We should be together, won’t you agree?

Life’s to short to hide feelings

So now I’m letting them out:

You give me hope, you make me feel strong,

You give me the strength to continue when everything goes wrong

And when I think of you, everything’s alright

I just have to ask:

Edited May 8, 2007 by ChopperX

[DudeAsInCool]

You might want to study how Lennon and McCartney composed their songs - here is a song by song analysis