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Subject: Dealing with Women


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:read this:

Girlfriend and Wife 1.0

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).

At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

The features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include:

- A"Don't remind me again" button

- Minimize button

- An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.

An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware

probe feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable

traces of the application in the system.

Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0


Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.


To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.

Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.

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All right ,Slum Goddess. I have one of those too!!

ok, i'll fight ya. *click-click* you lose. ;)

*ducks* HA-ha! (nelson muntz)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Another POV on dating from the college crowd:

A Must Read for all Non-Hermaphrodites

Bobby http://www.collegehumor.com/

Mar. 20th, 2004

Have you ever found yourself under an intoxicated beguilement seeking the sordid bodily pleasures of the opposite sex? Does the auspex of alcohol have you “hollering” at people below your normal standards, yet above the weight capacity for most buses? Perhaps you’ve mistook the potentially enticing “shaking of one’s tail feather” for the frenzied flapping of a mammoth whale-fin? Do you like Pizza Hut?

If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions you have gonorrhea; great job Thunder Lips. Regardless, the point of this article is not your dilapidated genitals, but rather the combatant of “Tall Tale Sunday” which, like clockwork, follows every inebriated weekend. I’m sick of hearing people’s euphemistic descriptions of the gross creatures they got busy with. If you hooked up with a bovine of the heifer breed I want you to admit it and supply thwarting details. I then expect you to rate it appropriately so the world can have a cheap laugh at your expense.

Who can honestly say they haven’t waken the morning after a sweet bender, under the impression they snatched something pretty, only to find out that they hooked up with their best friend’s dad (this applies to both girls and guys). If it happened, don’t prance around like he/she/it was a hot number. You’re not cool. My ADD won’t sit through your elaborative fable.

Where was I? Ah, yes, people putting on an embarrassing show without a truthful tell. This is partly due to the archaic hookup rating system we college students rely on. The trite numerical classification as a hookup gauge is wack. The 1-10 scale fluctuates like the weight of a bulimic sumo wrestler and is about as reliable as a nymphomaniac girlfriend (I still hate you Sarah). There’s no quality control. One man’s 9 is another man’s “MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?!” which, for Michael Jackson, is a child under the age of 9. Therefore, I’m implementing a candid five-fold assessment scale ranging from the compulsive lie (The Impossible Dream) down to the most embarrassing moment of your life (The Vietnam Flashback).

The Impossible Dream

The world is broken into two groups: those that have never hooked up with anyone in this category and those who have lied about it. This category encompasses the Helen of Troys, the Fabios, the babester babes, and the crème de la hunks. The only mortals who do snag these prurient beings are those who do so with help of a wingman with the first name “Roof” and last name “fies”. If someone stakes the claim they lived “The Impossible Dream” a.) Polygraph their ass b.) Call the cops c.) Recommend they try out for the LA Lakers.

Goin’ for the Gold

This is the girl or guy who’s been on your “To Do” list since the ‘80s. A lofty endeavor indeed, your A-Game must be brought as you clock in long man-hours of tedious conversation and feigned laughter. The selfless sacrifice of your friends is crucial as they divert potential “haters” from blowing your spot up. With a bit of luck and a lot of alcohol, you may find yourself “standing” one sweet night. Fittingly, the next day you should be on a megaphone broadcasting your dissolute exploit to the immediate world.

Middle Ground

You decided to play it safe. While it was nothing to write home about it was nothing to enter the witness protection program over either.

The Blooper Reel

Ouch. Maybe you were running interference for a friend, and while they were groping someone higher on this scale, you were sucking the face off something nasty. Still, as gross as aforesaid beast was, you can still look back with friends and laugh over it. When someone says, “Remember that animal with the missing teeth you made out with. Hahahahaha.” You will be able to squeak out a “Ha”.

A Vietnam Flashback

The hookup you never want to relive. No matter how much alcohol was consumed, no matter how forced or comatose you were at the time, there is no excuse for a ‘Nam Flashback. Would you want to relive Charlie gutting your best bud right in front of your eyes? Well, the same goes for a ogre that falls into this category. The memory will haunt your nightmares and wake you in a cold sweat forever.

In conclusion fellow college students, it’s not fair to rob us hecklers of potential laughs at your expense. If you do find yourself on the wrong end of something nasty, be honest with yourself and admit it was a “blooper”. Like the chubby chick with the midriff tube top, don’t cover it up. When your buzz rubs off and “Cinderella” turns into something that belongs in a cage at midnight, remember this article.

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The 1-10 scale fluctuates like the weight of a bulimic sumo wrestler and is about as reliable as a nymphomaniac girlfriend (I still hate you Sarah). There?s no quality control. One man?s 9 is another man?s ?MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?!?

My good friends use the "water" scale instead of the ol' 1-10 bit. You rate (or objectify, whichever floats your boat) women based on water (aka mexican tap water, american tap water, dansani, evain, fiji, fresh mountain spring..etc.) I always thought it was funny.

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The women fire back:

Why God Made Women


> Men are like a fine wine.

> They start out as grapes, and it's up to women

> to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into

> something acceptable to have dinner with.

> :duck hunt: :duck hunt:

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