KILLIN $CRAPA$

[Young_Mobster]

KILLIN,

SCRA-PA-PA-PA-PAS

(4X)

KILLIN,

SCRAPAS ON THEY KNEES, BEGGIN FOR MERCY,

I DO NOT SEE HOW THESE PUSSY’S CLAIM TO BE FOR REAL,

X-I-V TAGGED ON ALL THE STREETS, LET THESE SCRAP-PUTOS SEE,

HOW WE ROLL IN NORTHERN CALI,

CRUISE DOWN DUMBARTEN WHERE THE SCRAPS ROAM AT NIGHT,

TWO GUN SHOTS IN THE DARK AND ANOTHER SCRAP FALLS VICTIM TO THE FIGHT,

VIVA LA CAUSA ENE’S, PUT IN YOUR WORK!

IMA KEEP RIDIN ON THESE SCRAPAS TILL IM SIC FEET IN THE DIRT,

A SMIRK ON MY FACE AS THE RAT STRUGGLES TO BREATHE,

PUT IN MY WORK AND AT NIGHT I CAN SLEEP WITH EASE,

THEY FREEZE AT THE SCENE OF A FLAMED UP G,

YOUNG MOB$TA SPORTIN RED RAGS FROM HIS LEFT SHOULDA

TO HIS LEFT POCKET DOWN TO HIS KNEES,

QUICKLY, JUMP OUT FROM THE SHADOWS,

STICK THE GAT DOWN HIS THROAT PULL THE TRIGGER AND WATCH

‘EM SWALLOW IT!

5-0 ON THE WAY CANT IDENTIFY THE BUTCHERED RATA,

HIDE ALL EVIDENCE PREPARE FOR ANOTHER NIGHT OF,

KILLIN,

SCRA-PA-PA-PA-PAS,

(4X)

KILLIN,

[Shawn]

It's dumb question time.

Is it:

KILLIN,

SCRA-PA-PA-PA-PAS

(4X)

or

SCRA-PA-PA-PA-PAS

(4X)

?

[DudeAsInCool]

Not bad. The first 4 lines need to rhyme better though, but don't let this criticism deter you. Keep goin'

[Shawn]

It wouldn't have to visibly rhyme if the pronouncation was stretched a bit.

Ask Eminem. :D

[DudeAsInCool]

It wouldn't have to visibly rhyme if the pronouncation was stretched a bit.

Ask Eminem. :D

Agreed. But since his middle stanza does, it would make more sense if they did from a creative writing pov

[Young_Mobster]

It's dumb question time.

Is it:

KILLIN,

SCRA-PA-PA-PA-PAS

(4X)

or

SCRA-PA-PA-PA-PAS

(4X)

?

its the 1st 1,

and yea a few of the rhymez were stretched but thatz y i said it needz sum editing,

but thNx 4 all the feed, i appreciate it!

- .Young Mob$ter::

[Excrement_Cranium]

It's a good start to something you will look at when you are 45 and go: "What the fuck was I thinking?"

Actually, might not take that long. I have some old rhymes and poetry in spiral books still hanging around that made sense when I wrote them... but have since faded into retardary.

Your structure and such is good. Chorus/verse/chorus is decent... maybe a bridge?

Waiting on verse 2...