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"Do You Remember"

Guest .::BeatFactory::.

Rate this verse on a scale of 1-5 (1=horrible, 5=great) EXPLAIN BELOW  

4 members have voted

  1. 1. Rate this verse on a scale of 1-5 (1=horrible, 5=great) EXPLAIN BELOW

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Guest .::BeatFactory::.

When I created these forums, I thought I'd help out in helping it grow, so in my couple of breaks between studying for exams, I've started to write a song. This is the first verse of an R&B/Hip-Hop song that I'm writing called "Do You Remember" ... There currently is no music, but I was writing as I was listening to Lyfe Jenning's "Must Be Nice" It's rapped along the beat ... leave feedback and vote in the poll!

Do you remember those days when we could talk about/

All our silly little problems and I would make em stop/

No more hurt, no more pain, no more stress in ya life//

But now those days are gone, and now it's full of strife//

You went back to your old ways and your old man/

And you're crawling back to me, but it's out of my hands/

You told me how you were happy, but now you sad//

That you can't remember the last time you were glad//

But you took me for granted, didn't appreciate me/

And now your face is swollen like you got stung by a bee/

It ain't my fault ... that the nigga hit ya//

Just cuz he saw us in an old picture//

I'd never put my hands to you face/

Never even raised my voice, just asked for some space/

But now you're lying in the hospital bed, fighting for you life//

And I won't say "I told you so", cuz I wanted you as my wife//

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it was cool what ya should do is make it a bit longer coz its kinda short and it just stops ya know??

good though it was cool

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Guest .::BeatFactory::.

Yeah ... this is only the FIRST verse ... 16 bars... it's still in progress because I'm thinking of something that'll make you go :o at the end but I still haven't had the time to actually sit down and just write haha

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He said its just his first verse.

I liked it. I can really relate to it too, especially the first 4 lines.

Good stuff. Post when you've got more yeah?

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