Shawn

A Place For Terrible Jokes

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My wife and I went to the Orange County agricultural show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said 'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'.

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said "He mated 50 times last year. That's almost once a week."

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said 'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'.

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, "WOW! That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said in capital letters 'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'.

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said "That's once a day! You could REALLY learn something from this one!!"

I looked at her and said "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

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Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says, "This is for the flowers!" "Don't be silly" says Paddy, "You must have a vase somewhere!"

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[quote name='rainbowdemon' date='06 December 2010 - 03:54 PM' timestamp='1291679659' post='191819']
Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says, "This is for the flowers!" "Don't be silly" says Paddy, "You must have a vase somewhere!"
[/quote]

Speaking of "Flowers", guess what was President Clinton's First Executive Order?

(Jennifer) Flowers on the desk, first thing every morning[img]http://www.beatking.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif[/img]

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<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hkErDIb4okw?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hkErDIb4okw?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

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Via Reddit:

[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=2][size=2]If a tree falls on a woman

and nobody is around to hear it,

then what was the tree doing in the kitchen?




[img]http://www.beatking.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif[/img]




A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault is it? The mans, he should have never been driving in the kitchen.

[/size][/size][/font]

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[url="http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/hjyzr/hey_reddit_what_is_the_most_jaw_droppingly/"]Jaw Dropping Offensive Jokes[/url] (via Reddit)

Samples [img]http://www.beatking.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/sad.gif[/img]

A gynecologist has a midlife crisis and takes night classes to become a mechanic.

She's really nervous the night of the final, so she studies real hard and hopes for the best.

When the grades are posted, she freaks out because her grade says 150% and she assumes it was an error so she goes to see the instructor.

He explains its no error. "You took apart the engine perfectly, every nut, every bolt, you pulled it all apart without breaking anything. That got you 50%

Then you put it all back together perfectly. It actually ran better than before you started, so I gave you 50% for that.

You got a bonus 50% for doing it all through the muffler."




*******


A little black kid is baking with his grandmother. He throws some flour on his face playfully and says "Look, Granny, I'm a little white boy!"

Granny sends him into the other room to tell his father what he said. He walks up to his father and says "Look, Daddy, I'm a little white boy." His father backhands and him and sends him to tell his mother.

Nervously, the kid walks up to his mother and says "Look, Mommy, I'm a little white boy." Mom slaps him and sends him back into the kitchen.

"Have you learned anything?", asks Granny.

"Yes," replies the boy, "I've been white for five minutes and I hate niggers already."



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That Congressman, Anthony Weiner? He's decided to run for President. He's picked as his running mate Attorney General Eric Holder.

Get your Weiner-Holder bumper sticker, before they're all gone!

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[quote name='H82typ' timestamp='1308891013' post='193956']
That Congressman, Anthony Weiner? He's decided to run for President. He's picked as his running mate Attorney General Eric Holder.

Get your Weiner-Holder bumper sticker, before they're all gone!
[/quote]

[img]http://www.beatking.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/thumbsup.gif[/img]

PS I wish he hadnt resigned


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[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=2][size=2]A guy walks into the bar and orders 9 shots of tequilia. So the bartender pours nine shots and the man downs one after the other.

"Holy shit!" the bartender exclaimes "That's the most tequila I've ever seen anyone drink that fast before - whats the occassion?"

"My first blow job" the man announces quite plainly.

"Well" the bartender replies "let me buy you another!"

"No thanks, if I can't get the taste out of my mouth, 9 more won't help."

[/size][/size][/font][font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=2]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=2]
[/size][/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=2]*****[/size][/font]
[font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=2]
[/size][/font]A guy walks into the bar and orders 9 shots of tequilia. So the bartender pours nine shots and the man downs one after the other.[/size][/font][font=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif][size=2][size=2]"Listen, if 9 doesn't take the taste out of my mouth, another one won't help."

[/size][size=2]"Holy shit!" the bartender exclaimes "That's the most tequila I've ever seen anyone drink that fast before - whats the occassion?"

"If you had what I've got, you'd be drinking this fast, too," said the man with a sigh.

The bartender frowned, looking concerned. "Well, damn. Is it serious? What do you have?"

The man grins as he replies. "No money."

[/size][/size][/font]

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[font="verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif"][size="2"]What kind of bees make milk? Boo-bees[/size][/font]
[font="verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif"][size="2"]
[/size][/font][font="verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif"][size="2"]Why couldn't the ghost get his girlfriend pregnant? Because he had a hallo-weenie[/size][/font]
[font="verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif"] [/font][font="verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif"][size="2"]What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names[/size][/font]
[font="verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif"] [/font][font="verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif"][size="2"][size="2"]What'd the ghost say when he walked in on a dude taking a crap? POO!!

[/size][/size][/font]

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