How To Get Ladies

[Tiremonkey2000]

It's best to bide your time when chatting up girls until you spot hot models in bikinis at your local cafe. They're easy.

How To Get Ladies

March 22, 2006

By N. M. Harvey, poet laureate, hustler,

freedom fighter, BA. in Vagina

Guys, I know how hard it can be to get girls, especially if you are just cruising without prior acquaintance or wingmen, or friendships with anyone crucial to the getting of some dolly. It can even be hard for suave and swarthy men such as myself.

So here it is -- for the first time in at least two weeks, I offer my semi-complete list, constantly under research by and for guys like you, of N. M. Harvey's How To Get Ladies: All Of My Most Golden and Smoothest Smooth Rules, But Not For Ginos.

I give you guys here the first 10 rules and postulates of The Way, should you choose to follow it, and the rule before the rules being this: (A bonus one since it's Beer.com.)

RULE: Play hard to get before they have the chance -- look like you have somewhere better to be, but you're so cool you can have a good time anywhere. Now that's some wisdom, guys. TEASE THEM MORE THAN THEY TEASE YOU -- if they're gonna tease, damned if you can't tease more. Make them want it! But no! They can't have it! But it doesn't matter to you -- no, guys, it makes no difference whether you two hook up or not. Remember that.

1. Act like you know what you're doing and never make any mistakes.

2. Have a sweet car and roll down the windows a lot blasting Glass Tiger when you drive by any girls hanging around outside McDonald's.

3. Complain a lot so she knows you have feelings and you're a sensitive guy.

4. Face away from her ugly friends so they don't distract you from your mission by turning you off and reducing your being in the mood for getting some action. It's okay, they're used to being invisible.

5. Don't ask her to do anything, tell her.

6. Make sure she really is a girl before you get into anything, and to develop this point further we take a sneak peek at Rule #65B paragraph 4, which states, "If you see someone whose sex you are not sure of, you really shouldn't be attracted to them in the first place, you sicko."

7. Don't just go up to any girl in the street; find a certain type of girl you like. For me, it's the ones who look either lonely, nerdy or trailer-trashy, and will definitely say okay to anything.

8. If a girl is dressed really nicely but in a skimpy way, she's probably easy. Or a prostitute. Go for it.

9. Either way, don't let her make you pay for anything, not even a coffee, unless you're sure she will give you at least a little something -- otherwise she'll think she can just get you to do anything she wants.

10. Find a girl who has a kid, because then you know she either has a job or has government assistance, or school financial aid, and she can support you too. Also she won't have any time for other guys, so she won't cheat on you.

[Shawn]

Ex-cell-ent

[DudeAsInCool]

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